Life On Apple Tree Hill

A Huge Gift in a Small Package

2011-11-01T22:08:00.001-04:00

She came to me when I truly needed her. I was a junior in college, drowning in life decisions. I had no idea what to do with her. How to train or feed her, even what the law required regarding dogs, I was clueless.

It didn’t seem to matter. She needed me as much as I needed her. She lost her family to the coyotes on my father’s farm. She only survived because she was the best at hiding. Then she was too cute not to take home.

She taught me about separation anxiety and fear. She chased down cockroaches after the bug guy sprayed and growled just when I needed her to. She growled viciously at just the right person despite her short squatty legs and 24 lbs of mostly fur. She made me get out of bed to walk her and feed her when I wanted to sleep too long. When I didn’t want to care I couldn’t forget about her. She saved me in inches every day from sinking too low.

She never begged for too much attention. Just a little tummy scratching then she would settle in at the end of the couch. She slept on the edge of my bed until his feet got in the way. After 4 years of just us she took to him so well, mostly.

He insisted we get another dog. She never liked other dogs until we brought home this one. She didn’t really have a choice. Dancer, a self appointed Goddess, insisted she was boss and after 3 days of talks, she agreed. The discussion went something like “I pin you to the ground by your throat and you agree, ok?”. Dancer came with her own issues but it seemed to work for them both. Their quirks worked together for all of us.

Despite a fear of little hands she dealt with the birth of 3 boys in 5 years well. They learned that the old dogs didn’t' play but would steal their food given the chance. The dogs learned that baby spit up wasn’t bad and little kids dropped snacks.

She took visiting dogs well as long as they didn’t play with her. She only ever played with one dog and never did again when we lost Dancer to painful arthritis at age 11.

Since then we have had many dogs in our lives. A few moves, a major career change, and a long deployment later she grew weary. Her back legs had lost sensation, slowly getting worse. The wrong step could paralyze her but living in a crate 24/7 is no way for any dog to live. I watched carefully every time she stepped out the door for 4 years.

Her muzzle was gray and she could no longer hear people coming to the door. She couldn’t chew her food because her teeth had mostly fallen out and it hurt to turn her neck much but she still seemed happy to be here.

Then she no longer could no longer make it outside for bathroom breaks.

We said goodbye to her a few weeks ago. Addie was over 16 years old. I was pleased to lay her to rest at a friend’s farm.

I am not one who believes our pets go to a kind of heaven. I do believe she was a gift from God that offered a kind of support and comfort that only she could give. I am forever grateful for that gift.

I miss her.

A Creative Quick Fix

2011-10-31T08:07:00.001-04:00

My creativity is languishing in the land of priorities. Hence the blog posting once a month, or less.

I could complain or list my to do’s, but that is such a drag and accomplishes nothing but prolonged self-pity. My struggles are small, tiny, almost non existent in the light of God’s glory. Am I right? I like a good perspective. It brightens the view.

ANYWAY……here is where my creative outlet has been used in the recent (yesterday) past.

I have mad Lego skills. Want to know how long it took me to put that “rocket ship” together?

4 hours

I could have kept going. I think it needs blasters on top. Maybe a robotic arm to grab bad guys?

It will be destroyed in 2 days. Most likely by an alien attack.

The Middle Son

2011-10-30T22:06:00.001-04:00

This last week he turned 6.

He was always on the chubby side. Then he was just big.

He was born with a birth defect that we were told was a miracle. A miracle that he had no lasting effects. A less than 1% chance that he is now perfectly normal.

He likes to laugh. He really really likes to make you laugh.

He is particular and passionate, equally. When things are not in his particular order he passionately lets you know.

He still hates to give kisses. He says he is allergic to girls, except me.

His imagination will wow and frustrate you all at the same time.

He would rather be funny than right.

He looks the most like his father. He acts the most like his father. He is shy and sensitive, easily hurt but unable to tell me why. Just like his father.

I pray I do what God will have me do for him. I am humbled by the gift that is my middle son. Six years seem to have flown by while I was busy being a mom.

I would like to say I wish I could have cherished them more. But it is their brevity that makes them precious to me. How they are all squished between diaper changes, laughter, and laundry makes them more amazing.

Happy Birthday Alex!

Joy in Suffering

2011-09-11T22:21:00.000-04:00

There has been much talk recently of trials and suffering. As a world class complainer, I find the topic difficult to wrap my thoughts around.

Why can’t we just fix it? Why does it have to be this way? It must be my fault because this doesn’t happen to people who do it “right” or “better”. I do not understand.

This morning I tried to explain 9/11 to my 8 year old son. I couldn’t do it without tears. The fear I felt that day came rushing back. The memory of standing with co-workers watching the news in a large downtown area far away from home surrounded by strangers was overwhelming. Trying to keep it together as I rode back with a gentlemen my father’s age across the deep south was difficult. The man was born in Iran and fled decades ago because the same thing that happened that day in our country happened in his country to a much greater degree. He understood what had happened. He already knew what it all meant that day.

I am working on understanding and by working I mean praying. I know seeing the joy in trials and rejoicing at my pain when the suffering is unbearable will not come from me. It will not come from my heart.

It will be gift, a blessing. To rejoice in God being glorified during tragedy, to embrace pain as a gift, as an opportunity is not in my nature.

10 years later many blessings can been seen. The gifts shining against the backdrop of such pain makes them shine that much brighter. Embracing my children that did not exist on that day and to count my blessings since then is overwhelming.

I pray I can look faithfully to God during trials, large and small. I pray I can thank Him for His gifts even when I do not understand them.

Today I am thankful for brothers building memories.

I am thankful for father and son making memories. Memories made not on my timeline but His.

Today I am thankful for brave men who run toward the sound of battle.

I am thankful for the pain of that day and many since. Those wonderful days have molded and changed me for good. Not goodness from my own heart but goodness given to me by the only One who has any to give.

I pray it is the same for you.

Did You Miss Me?

2011-08-30T22:13:00.001-04:00

I missed blogging. A LOT. Life has been happening here with much to share. School has started for us and God has put it before me that things must change.

Not drastic things, at least not in the worldly sense. Things according to His purpose and His plan. Last year I tried to answer my problems my way, not His. I overwhelmed myself and although I sustained it for awhile it eventually crushed me.

I reasoned that I was trying some things out and I was good at this or that so it was easy to “fit” in to our lives. My heart did not follow my head.

Now I am back where I was a year ago with the same problems but a new position. ON MY KNEES. I am dropping some things and focusing on others. The reward? Peace and a joyful perspective.

So to recap a few things you missed I will share some pictures. I also think the blog is looking a bit tired. New colors perhaps? I think so too.

Do these guys look bigger? They sure do to me!

I did these for a friend. She still has not received them yet but soon, I hope.

This is why I don’t get more projects done or blogs written.

This is why I by used furniture.

This is why my Blackberry is banned from all little boys and my camera battery is usually dead.

We are down to only 3 dogs! I know, I know, that is till a lot to some but considering these 3 are calm and obedient it is a huge change. I have not finished any quilts but soon I will have something to show. I am in the process of finishing up 1, and 2 are closer than they were a month ago. That is huge progress, for me.

Thanks for not abandoning me while my life sorted. More later.

The Tablecloth That Survives

2011-04-26T15:22:00.003-04:00

Hey, so if you are new here then I will tell you – I have boys. 3 boys to be exact.

I often question my parenting (about every 5 minutes) and why OH why do my boys go at the speed they do.

That being said my goal when decorating or purchasing items for the house is first- WILL IT SURVIVE.

We purchased this table 4 years ago used off Craigslist. The first thing I LOVED about it was the character from all the cracks. The second thing I LOVED about it was all the cracks that could conceal scratches and gouging from my boys. The one thing that bothered me were all the cracks where food and toys could hide. 2 to 1 says it would work for us.

And it has until recently. It stopped being the primary eating surface and became the school room table. Then it became the primary area for Lego construction. Do you know how TINY Lego pieces are? After the Christmas Lego assembly marathon DH requested that I find a way to cover the cracks. He was done digging out Lego pieces.

I already had an idea but had put it off because I was ~~lazy~~ ~~forgetful~~ ~~distracted~~ busy with other projects. My friend, Jackie, had done something similar with her dining table (her picture below by the way). She flipped hers over and stapled oil cloth to the top (staples underneath). I loved how it looked but I KNEW I could never commit to staples. My mind changes about ~~decorations~~ ~~furniture~~ ~~clothing~~ ~~food~~ everything in the house as quickly as the weather in Texas. (It is really quick just in case you didn’t know)

So I remembered a tablecloth my grandmother had made for her card game nights and thought it would work perfectly. It was fitted with elastic so when Granny’s friends got crazy with Bridge or Canasta the table didn’t get scratched. Those ladies a serious about their cards.

Of course I did not account for the slippery fabric and my desire to never work with it again as I fought it through the sewing machine. However, this was probably due to my older sewing machine that is wonderful but not made to push through moody uncooperative oil cloth fabric. So if you are over and look close at the tablecloth please don’t think I was doing Tequila shots and trying to sew. I wasn’t. I promise.

But even after all that it turned out great.

So if you are interested here is the HOW TO:

First, I measured the table and added about 4-5 inches on both sides (length and width). I used inch wide elastic because I had it from some other project and didn’t want to buy more. If you are using smaller elastic (which would work fine) you won’t need 4 inches added around. My 4 inches was the width of the elastic x’s 2 + the distance from the edge of the table to where I wanted the cloth to be under that edge plus 1/2 inch for seam allowance (1/2+ 2 + 2 inches=4 1/2).

I also like to add inches according to my sewing skills+the machine+the propensity to make errors=1/2 yard for me. The best and cheapest selections of oil cloth seem to be online. I found this at Hancock Fabrics that was $20/yd and used a 50% off coupon. Then I found some online for $6/yd. Grrrrrrrr

Next, flip your fabric over (pretty side down) and place on table as you want it to look. Then lightly trace all the way around where you want the seam to be while holding the table cloth in place (heavy books, baby in a car seat, lazy cat would work too). Add 4 1/2 inches (or your number) and trim excess fabric. Scissors will be fine for the trimming. Perfectionists can use a rotary cutter and ruler.

If your table is wider than the width of the bolt (mine was almost too wide) you will need to cut two pieces the length of the table and sew them together to get enough for the width. So keep in mind that you will have a seam in the middle. That will affect the pattern and I would not have chosen this fabric if that was the case. I would have gone stripey to conceal the line. Just a thought!

This next part requires someone who can hold a piece of elastic still while you pull on it. I do not recommend 5 year olds. They do not have the attention span for it and may let the elastic go and giggle hysterically when it hits you in the face. Then repeat it for their brothers.

Now, I only put elastic on my rounded sides. If your table is completely round you may want to do the whole thing. If it is square, just the corners with 4 different pieces of elastic. If you are a better sewer/crafter than me go with your gut. I don’t know what I am doing most days.

So have your reliable helper hold the elastic at your designated spot. You will do the same thing on the other end so going halves works well (see above for square tables). Now gently pull and mark where you want the other end to stop. This is just half the table (or a 1/4 if you are square). Now go do this on the other end/corner of the table. For the right angled bunch you will do this 3 more times.

NOTE: You are not trimming the extra elastic right now. Mark the starting and stopping points with PINS and trim the elastic with about 10 extra inches. This is important because you have to adjust it once the table cloth is sewn, but not the elastic. K?

Now (after your pins are marking the spots) begin folding the table cloth to the line and pinning in place. Rounded edges definitely need LOTS of pins if you don’t want to say mean words to your sewing machine later. (I apologized afterward)

For those who have never worked with elastic (i.e. me) you are not putting it in at this point. That comes later.

Walk proudly to your sewing machine because you used so many pins and try to sew a 1/4-1/2 inch seam. See how well I did? Don’t you feel better about yourself now?

Remember to leave an opening at both ends. You will finish sewing after the elastic is in and sewn in place. Remember the pin you put in place to mark the elastic places? STOP SEWING THERE.

And sew the other side the same way.

Now find a GIANT NEEDLE or something similar. This is what I used. No, I have no idea where I got it. My grandmother gave me a box of sewing stuff with an old machine like 20 years ago. I kept most of it and gotta say this needle freaks me out just a bit. I am happy it was finally used for something normal (not to imply I used it for anything abnormal).

Anyway, go get some strong thread/yarn for your freaky needle, thread it (if you can’t thread that stop what you are doing and go to the optometrist now), and poke it through one end of your elastic like so (see picture). Tie it on like a rope. I used regular thread about 4 times over.

If you don’t have a giant needle you just need something long, thin, and straight (pencil size) that you can tie to your elastic so you can work it through the hem you just made. Get creative. You can do it.

Now work the needle through the hem slowly, pulling your elastic through. Be sure to pin the elastic in place at the beginning and end of the hem. Do this for both ends. Now go put it on the table to see how it fits.

It will be a bit of a struggle. I needed to put something heavy on one end when it got on the pull the other end on tightly. Here is where your pull your elastic tighter or loosen it based on the fit.

If you are pulling on it like you did those jeans in 1986 then you may want to let it out a bit. If it lays there like a regular table cloth it isn’t tight enough.

Once the elastic is where you want it go sew it in place. Just go over the end about 3 or 4 times and trim the excess. Repeat for the other side. Now hem up the remaining edges and get it on your table.

Smile and look with joy on your new tablecloth that will survive snacks, Legos, hot wheel races, cookie decorating, quilt class, glitter glue, stickers, crayons, frogs, caterpillars, misbehaved dogs, laundry day, etc.

Linked up over at WFMW

Tackle It Tuesday

A small break for updates

2011-04-14T16:03:00.000-04:00

Hey wonderful readers! I am taking a small break to polish the page and write some needed items. I realized with the increase in traffic I had better get my ducks in a row.

I also want to get cheesecake information up for customers and I am a little behind in the html code department. So rest assured things will be up and running with wonderful new recipes, projects, and general boy wackiness to brighten your day soon.

Much Love,
Sgt. Zapple

Cheesecake Saturday–Kamilah’s Turtle Cheesecake

2011-04-03T23:11:00.002-04:00

I dedicate this one to you Kamilah. Thanks for the inspiration.

My sweet friend Kamilah asked for cheesecake lessons and I happily obliged. I will use any excuse to make cheesecake. When I asked her which one she wanted to make she said Turtle Cheesecake. Well I have never made one and didn’t have a recipe.

We all know my aversion to candy bars in my cheesecake. I want cheesecake to taste like a cheesecake, not a candy bar, or ice cream toppings. If I want any of those desserts I will pop out to the store or the ice cream shop to get them. But please don’t put them on my cheesecake.

My search of the internet was met with disappointment. My opinions on cheesecake seem to be confined to only a few. I have spoken to those of you who agree with me. I know you are out there you just apparently don’t post recipes on the internet.

After I regrouped I decided to begin with the same crust as the Caramel Pecan Cheesecake a few weeks ago. The chopped pecans in the bottom are a revelation. I love those wonderful bits of yumminess. I did add a teaspoon of vanilla to enhance the flavor of the cookies on the second go around. They needed something.

The new and fun ingredient is the caramel that I decided to use. This I cannot take credit for because it came from my husband’s grandmother. I have no idea where she learned it but it is a fantastic short cut. What she used it in is a sore spot between my husband and I which pretty much started me down the road of difficult desserts. Totally different blog post.

Where was I?

Oh yea! This.

Boil one can of sweetened condensed milk, the brand does not matter. (You can do 4 or 5 at once with paper off please) Boil steadily, submerged (water over the top) for 4 to 5 hours. Do not put more cans than can be comfortably surrounded by water. This will change the boiling time. Check the pot every 1/2 hour to make sure the water is still above the tops of the cans. When it drops below then pour in more water. After 4 or 5 hours (not an exact number here folks) turn off the heat and let the pot sit there. Really don’t touch it. Don’t get excited and try to open the can. It will explode hot caramel stuff all over and potentially burn you. LEAVE IT ALONE! Got it?

Okay, after the cans cooled to room temperature dry them off and set them aside. Because they have been boiled and remain sealed in the can they can go back in your pantry for months. I don’t want to say years because I am not sure but I have had some for over a year and my mom has too.

(Please keep in mind that this actually takes an entire day just to get the caramel stuff ready. As I often repeat to myself late late late late at night waiting for one to cool – Cheesecake is NOT a last minute dessert.)

Anyway, it comes out all gooey, thick, and caramelized. It is quite rich and not too sweet so perfect for me.

Next, take small dollops and place evenly and carefully on the bottom of the crust. This is difficult because it is sticky and doesn’t want to come off your spatula. It also wants to stick to the crust. This clingy co-dependent attitude from the yummy goo only serves to rip your beautiful crust apart. I prefer not to enable so small dollops pushed off with another spoon evenly spread about. Then short one directional (no back and forth) strokes with an offset spatula to smooth it out a bit. It takes some patience but it will spread. Trust me. Reserve a 2 tablespoons for the batter.

(I will say that I think it needs a little more caramel. I am going to add 2 cans to the next cheesecake. First to thicken the bottom layer and second to enrich the caramel flavor in the cheesecake. Still it is not too sweet, rich but not sweet.)

The batter comes together just like the New York Cheesecake. It is the Junior’s Cheesecake Recipe, not mine. But it is quite basic and useful.

Ingredients:

4 blocks of Philadelphia Cream Cheese (full fat, room temperature)

1/4 cup cornstarch

1 2/3 cups of sugar

1 tablespoon Vanilla

2 eggs

3/4 cup Heavy Whipping Cream

8 oz. Bittersweet chocolate

2 tablespoons of caramel (See recipe above)

Mix together for at least 3 minutes, stopping to scrape down the sides of the bowl, 1 block of cream cheese, cornstarch, and 1/3 cup of sugar. After it is thoroughly mixed beginning adding remaining cream cheese one block at a time, scraping down the sides after each block. (The scraping is very important, don’t skip this please)

Next add the remaining sugar, slowly, with more scraping. Then add vanilla and eggs, one at a time, scraping after each one.

Finally add the heavy cream. Do not over mix, just stir in until combined.

This next bit is mine:

Now divide the batter in half into two bowls. Add the remaining caramel to one half, stir until combined. There will still be a few chunks which is fine, you just want a little caramel flavor.

Melt the chocolate using a double boiler (glass bowl over gently boiling water on stove top). Let cool a few minutes. Then combine with batter in second bowl.

You can also use the microwave to melt the chocolate. 1 minute on high. I like the shake the bowl so I am not actually stirring the chocolate to test for meltiness. Add 30 seconds until melted, removing after each to see if it is melted. It rarely takes more than 2 minutes.

Now spoon chocolate batter into the crust, smooth with an offset spatula. Then gently spoon the caramel batter on top of the chocolate layer and smooth.

Now it is time for the water bath and baking. (The water bath is an entirely different post, next week.)

Bake at 350 for 1 hour 15 minutes. Convection ovens do change how it will bake. If you can turn that off then please do.

When the time is up simply remove the cheesecake and let it sit on the countertop. Do not touch it or try to check if it is done. Remove it from the water bath/foil and just walk away. Once it is cooled to room temperature move it to the refrigerator. It is still in the springform pan at this point. Do not take that off. Let it cool for at least 6 hours or better still overnight.

After that gently remove the springform sides by gently running a knife around the outside and unlatching it. Then remove carefully.

Now you can pull it out for the decorating. This is not necessary but it does look good.

Melt bittersweet chocolate, about 5 ounces (microwave or double boiler, your choice), and put into pastry bag with a narrow tip. It doesn’t matter the shape because the melted chocolate will not hold a shape. It is melted. It just needs to be narrow. Now quickly, and I mean quickly, make lines about a 1/2 inch apart. Go back and forth, making your turns while your tip is off the cheesecake. I do this on a sheet pan and then transfer the finished product to the cake plate or box for transport later. This way the mess is on the pan, not the cheesecake. Now go perpendicular to the lines you just made.

You have to do this very quickly. The chocolate pours out the tip and you can’t stop it. So concentrate and go fast. Put it back in the refrigerator for an hour to chill the chocolate.

Really, I loved how this turned out. I will add more caramel because it can take it without being too much. I also want some more flavor out of that crust. I know it has more to offer. But overall a great cheesecake and it does look amazing.

It also does not taste like a candy bar.

We Are That Family

Lessons Learned–Why I Will Never Have A Super Mom Cape

2011-03-29T23:01:00.002-04:00

1. Cocktail sausages and strawberries can count as a late dinner.

2. I am my mother’s daughter more and more with each passing day.

3. I think my mother is a wonderful brilliant woman even if it took me almost 36 years to fully realize it. (Sorry Mom, couldn’t resist using this pic)

4. You can freeze buttermilk. My cooking world has opened wide!

5. I really like to use buttermilk in recipes.

6. I have been a writer all along. I just needed to listen to the voices in my head (no not those voices).

7. I get very grumpy when I don’t get to write or quilt.

8. When I am grumpy I blame my husband for everything even though it is rarely his fault.

9. My husband is a very forgiving man.

10. There are only so many hours of the day you can be the pack leader.

11. Being followed by an actual pack every second of the day is exhausting. (Yes, there are 5 dogs in the picture who all live inside with us all day.)

12. I think better when my floors are vacuumed.

13. A West Texas Girl who grew up with big sunsets and wide open spaces needs a GPS on a cloudy tree lined highway in North Carolina no matter how often she has driven the road.

14. My ideas are good. My ability to implement them is bad.

15. Too many good ideas that whither in the shadow of life can make anyone feel like a failure.

16. The best things in my life were never my idea.

We Are That Family

Tackle It Tuesday–THE OVEN!

2011-03-29T13:06:00.003-04:00

I have a short list of cleaning chores I HATE.

The Oven

See I told you it was short. (The moderately dislike list is longer)

To avoid the chore even longer I often vacuum, yes vacuum, out the burnt food crumbs on the bottom just to make myself feel better. My smoke detector is disconnected in the kitchen because I set it off A LOT with the dirty oven. Really, last 4 or 5 places I have lived the smoke detector was disconnected in the kitchen. Not safe but saved my marriage. It really really really really irritates the hubby.

I would like to say that I am not a terrible cook who constantly burns stuff. I am just forgetful and maybe lazy. I forget that certain dishes run over and don’t feel like making another pan dirty to put unde r it and just stick it in anyway.

So this morning, while still in my jammies and possessed with a desire to feel like something has been completed this week I dove into my dirty oven.

I thought about before pictures but realized I would be embarrassed to show how bad I let it get. So here are the aftermath and end result pictures.

I used this cleaner from the dollar store on the recommendation of my neighbor. She used it 2 weeks ago and her oven is immaculate. Mine did not turn out so perfectly. I think is has something to do with my previously stated problem, unwillingness to clean at all. I also think baking soda and a really good piece of steel wool would have worked just as well.

I ordered new drip pans on Amazon because the current set are rusting out. I also ordered a liner for the bottom of my oven. I had no idea these existed. The guilt I can avoid is worth every penny.

I am also saving up for a new stove/oven slide-in range that I will just take with us from post to post. I have one at our house in Texas but it is currently being rented out (the house not the oven). One of these days I will just trade out with the TX house and take my flat surface double oven slide in range with me. I cried when I left it behind.

Now I am going to put some good lotion on my hands. I also often forget to use rubber gloves .

Thankful for Little Boys

2011-03-24T00:42:00.001-04:00

I am thankful this week for their ability to change anything, ANYTHING into a weapon.

How they can have a running conversation on their favorite Super Car throughout the entire day.

I am thankful for a boy’s ability to memorize the features of 20+ dinosaurs and make their brothers guess at breakfast every morning for weeks on end which one they are thinking about.

I am thankful they never care if they match but if they have on a super hero shirt or truck/car/motorcycle shirt holes or not.

I am thankful for running hugs that knock the breath out of you and squished up faces that hate kisses but take them anyway.

Thank you God for these boys. They are more than I deserve and teach me something new everyday.

An Onion Shortcut

2011-03-22T12:00:00.003-04:00

I love the flavor of onions but dread the chopping, tears, and mess that always comes with them. When I buy them they usually sit there because I put off using them for the previously stated reasons. Then they rot as I look at them day after day mocking me with their savory hard to get at flavor.

Being the ~~lazy~~ ~~cheap~~ resourceful person that I am I figured out a way to get around the chopping, at least for awhile. It also lets you use up those onions you bought on sale before they go bad.

I buy a bag full of onions or 3 to 4 very large Vidalia onions at a time. Then I peel (quickly) the outer skin, cut into 1/4th or 1/8ths, just until the easily fit into your food processor. If they are too large they will not fall to the bottom and what is nearest the blade will turn to onion mushiness. This is a picture of onions that have NOT been cut small enough. The mushy result will be used in soup.

If you don’t have a food processor then I would recommend chopping all at one time. If you are going to tear up then I suggest putting on some sad music and make a moment out of it. Then you will be done for a few months.

I use a chopping blade in the food processor and pulse until chopped. Turning it on and leaving it will turn your onions to mush. The pulsing chops and knocks the larger chunks down toward the blade while keeping the mush at bay. This takes around 2 minutes or longer if you let the 5 year old do it.

Then I fill gallon plastic bags with one to two large onions or 4 to 5 smaller onions. Lay flat on a cookie sheet and label if you want. I like to score mine with my hand so they are in easy to break off sections. Also, laying flat on the cookie sheet makes them easy to stack in the freezer and keeps them from conforming to whatever object is underneath. Because if they are in the metal grate then they will freeze in that shape, squish between the metal bars, and be impossible to get off without tearing the bag. Not fun.

Once they are frozen you can easily, really easily, break off as much as you need for what every recipe you are doing. They defrost in about 2 minutes or 30 seconds in a hot pan. The bonus, no tears or running to the store for onions.

Because we are a cooked onion lovin’ family this is really the only way I use them. If you are a raw onion lover I don’t see why this would not work for you too. Someone give it a shot and let me know. But if they will be cooked in anyway then this definitely will work with any onion.

FYI….if you stop to take pictures of the onions you don’t avoid the crying part.

A quick public service announcement: Onions, even in small quantities cooked or raw, are life threatening to dogs and cats. They can cause a deadly reaction called Heinz Body Anemia where the red blood cells will burst. Treatment is available at your vets office but please be aware what your pet is into.

Linked up to Works For Me Wednesday over at We Are That Family

Also, linked up at Women Living Well

Cookies and Milk for Dinner

2011-03-21T11:54:00.002-04:00

Yup, I did it.

I made cookies and let them all eat it for dinner.

Why? Well because it was Sunday and it was dinner time and I wanted cookies and I was tired and they wanted the cookies and they had a big lunch and I am THAT mom and any other excuse I could come up with .

I want them to remember making cookies and having fun together as brothers. I want to also enjoy that time and not turn into Monster Mommy trying to clean and cook at the same time. I want Sundays to be about God and rest and family and joy. So I gave them cookies and milk for dinner.

Don’t worry it won’t happen every Sunday. Usually we have cheesecake .

Linked up to Works For Me Wednesday over at We Are That Family

Thankful Thursday–Music

2011-03-17T16:20:00.004-04:00

As a mom you often find you cannot turn things off.

Your brain, children, dinner, pets, grocery shopping, laundry, etc.

To combat my distracted self so I can finish cleaning and laundry I use my iPod to quiet those thoughts so I don't walk back and forth through the house forgetting why I am standing in front of the refrigerator and then walked to the bedroom.

I only have three requirements for my playlist, it is easy to sing to, clean, and fun.

This is my newest (to me) favorite song. I heard it on someone’s blog and had to have it.

It also makes me feel like Spring and Summer are just around the corner! Aaahhhhhh……

Being Average

2011-03-15T23:47:00.003-04:00

…..that is what I once wished worked for me.

I didn’t want to stand out. I didn’t want attention. I wanted to blend in.

I wanted to be just the right amount of helpful but not so much that it got me noticed. I wanted to be just funny enough that someone is amused but not so much that milk came out their nose.

I want things to go smoothly. I want no large problems. I want to be what everyone else thinks everyone else is and they are not.

Thankfully, not one of us is that average person, are we? You always seem like you are when I see you out at the store or church but you aren’t are you?

Good. I thought I was the only one.

What works for me this week is being average. Those few seconds were unexpected now back to my amazingly unusual life. Average is overrated.

Mondays - The Jumble Of Life

2011-03-14T22:00:00.002-04:00

There are days, weeks, months even that pass when life moves so fast you lose track of time.

You rush the kids out the door with lunch sacks in their hands. They need to eat in the car. You are late.

But if you give them just a few extra minutes you will find they made those extra 5 minutes into something special.

I hope and pray they remember this today and not their crazy mommy.

Cheesecake Saturday-Triple Chocolate Cheesecake

2011-03-12T23:39:00.004-05:00

Happy Saturday!

I am up late and I will pay for it in the morning but the cheesecake needed to be made.

Again I changed it. I know you are shocked. I always follow the recipe, keep traditions, and never break the rules.

That was a nice break but back to reality……

I didn’t like the chocolate fudge mirror in the original Junior’s Triple Chocolate Cheesecake. It was too acidic for me, too sugary. So I tried a chocolate glaze from another recipe and it was more like someone put a candy bar on top. Good but it doesn’t go on creamy perfect chocolate cheesecake.

So in the interest of keeping the title I wanted 3 different types of chocolate.

Again with the brownie crust, it is easy and I like it. I use a box version usually whatever is on sale. I do have limits and prefer Ghirardelli (summer in CA and one cute boy got me hooked) but Betty Crocker will do too. I just pour a small layer in the pan and bake for 25 minutes.

So the same basic cheesecake recipe used with the original New York (I memorized it therefore I will use it forever) split in half in two different bowls. Then I added melted (in the microwave) Ghirardelli milk chocolate (5 oz) in one bowl and Ghirardelli semisweet chocolate (5 oz) in the other after they had cooled a bit. Stirred gently until incorporated thoroughly. Next I poured the semisweet batter into the springform pan leaving about a cup in the bowl. Then I gently in small dollops placed the milk chocolate batter on top of the semisweet layer (leaving 1 cup in the bowl), careful not to mix the layers.

I was also trying out new 4 inch springform pans so I took the remaining one cup of each batter and did the same with them as with the 9 inch. As I discovered last week, the smaller cheesecakes will cook the same amount of time as the larger so I put them in the same pan to cook.

Aren’t they cute all wrapped up ready for their warm bath?

They are baking now while I type. After a rest and some cooling off time they will be dressed up for presentation tomorrow. The little ones will go to work with my husband and the larger one will go next door for a big Sunday dinner.

I promise to take pictures before they leave. Aaahhhhh, they grow up so fast don’t they?

Now for cleanup….

On a brighter note, I just came into a lot of Pampered Chef products. It was an exchange of sorts so it is guilt free Pampered Chef. The best kind. I will definitely be telling you about all of it because I love love love kitchen tools that work and make life easier. That is definitely these!

UPDATED: Pic of finished cheesecake. L.O.V.E. It was so so good.

Thankful Thursdays–Aprons

2011-03-10T17:50:00.002-05:00

Donna Reed and June Cleaver had it right. The women of that decade were wise in the use of aprons. Did you see the dresses they were cooking in?

Image source

I know we have better washing machines and more durable fabrics but saving money and clothes is always important. I am on a tight tight tight budget. I don’t have time or funds to replace clothing. This is not to say I am a pig. But I also cook, clean, raise boys, have 5 dogs (we were down to 3, long story), one guinea pig, and actually leave the house. Stuff happens.

“But Sgt Z don’t you know all the handy dandy tricks for getting stains out of fabric?”

Yes, I do. I have the Martha Stewart “I have a bazillion hours in one day” Homekeeping Handbook with the very clever chart. (Okay I actually love the book but who are we kidding? It is very informative and useful but requires you have time to actually do the home keeping.)

So in light of my predicament and my unwillingness to part with certain clothing I am embracing the apron. Join me, won’t you?

I have 3 of these aprons now. I just ordered them off Amazon and they look like they can take a beating. They are by Chef Works. I originally ordered one but quickly realized they get dirty hence their usefulness. So when one is dirty and you only have one then you have no aprons. (Did you like that story problem? Can you tell I work with a 2nd grader on math everyday?)

Seriously, this seems small in the light of important wonderful miracles of life we contend with daily. But sometimes you are just thankful you don’t have to change clothes again or can walk out of the house and not be embarrassed you never noticed the stream of soda/ketchup/spit up/chocolate/milk/cheese down your shirt because you haven’t looked in a mirror since your kids got you up at 5am.

The Apron and Book pics were from Amazon.com.

Linked up today over at The Nut House.

Also linked to Thankful Thursday with http://www.eph2810.com/.

WFMW–A kick in the pants

2011-03-08T19:55:00.006-05:00

When I feel overwhelmed and whiny,

When my complaints out number my praises,

When I cannot face my daily chores and pout,

When my sinful flesh takes the lead, and my self-control takes a nap

He always sends me a story, a reminder, a kick in the pants

Something to make me feel small, petty, ungrateful

Something to make me feel loved, blessed, joyful

That I am His child, saved by Grace, through no work of my own

What Works For Me this week is this video. Its timing was providential, as usual.

This was grace - short film from Andrew Laparra on Vimeo.

Linked up to Works For Me Wednesday over at We Are That Family

Also, linked up at Women Living Well

Tackle It Tuesday/WFMW - Make Your Own Dry Eraser

2011-03-08T00:05:00.009-05:00

Well, today I was a little grumbly and not in the mood to do anything. But something ran across my mind despite my efforts to make the world stop spinning.

I have 3 ~~monkeys~~ boys who tear through this world with enthusiasm and little thought of what the end result might be. I say that because we go thru lots of toys, clothes, and equipment because of this ~~reckless~~ playful carefree curiosity. Often it is only the threat of punishment that keeps our home standing.

A problem created by these boys arose today during school time. I know it doesn’t seem like a big one but after continuous replacements, backups, or hiding something to protect it you grow weary of buying more. We were on our last dry eraser. My oldest uses them for math. He stands up because he is a boy and works out his math on a dry erase board next to his desk. We also have a large 8ft x 4ft dry erase board in our school room. The last eraser was being held together by duct tape. I haven’t seen the others in months.

So I hopped on Amazon to buy another one. Not pleased with the prices I saw (see extreme couponing to get an idea of my cheap side) I wondered what you used to make those expensive little fabricy styrofoam thingies. The answer was felt. Ok, so just felt? Was it magical or could it be any fluffy fabric? Hhhhhmmm……..I have some scraps of flannel.

Well, turns out it can be ANY fluffy fuzzy fabric. So if you are still reading, here is what I did in 20 minutes (minus the time I waited for my camera to charge, answer school questions, discipline the other two for fighting, and make lunch) and thanks for staying with me.

First, I used 4 in x 42 in strips of fabric (or width of the bolt of fabric). I used these because they were in my scrap basket from some baby quilts I did in December. I sewed right sides together the length of the fabric.

I then cut the strip into 6 in blocks, which gave me 6 – 3in x 6in blocks. Next I sewed one side on each block and flipped it right side out.

Then I grabbed some batting from my scrap box of batting. I folded it over in several layers about 1 1/2in x 4in and wiggled it inside the block. You can use any batting or filling. I simply wanted them to have thickness to make gripping them easier.

Then I folded the open side in and sewed it up. Viola!

I think it works better than that darn eraser I bought for $6. And the bonus, they are totally washable. I can throw them in with the rags and towels. LOVE IT!

UPDATE:After using these little guys for a week I discovered they are the perfect size for a quick dusting. They did an amazing job on some neglected window blinds and can also be used as a quick pin cushion. My absolute awesome favorite part? I can throw them in the laundry with my dirty rags and they will only get fluffier. Score!!!! I am making more because it seems like I could use them more often and in more places and they didn't cost me anything. Wootwoot!!!

Linked up today over at Sew Darn Crafty, 5 Minutes For Mom, and Works for Me Wednesday!

Cheesecake Saturday–Caramel Pecan Cheesecake Updated

2011-03-06T00:36:00.001-05:00

Well, this seems to be a favorite with almost everyone who tries it. This updated version was even better but I still have one idea left. I was also trying out the Pampered Chef springform pan for the first time, a 9 inch.

But here is where I started, the crust. I was not completely pleased with it last time. I thought it needed more pecan flavor. This time I used Pecan Sandies with a lighter shortbread flavor and added 6 tablespoons of butter to get the texture just right.

Next I used chopped pecans and pressed them into the bottom of the uncooked crust and baked for 10 minutes at 350. I had a little left over and wanted to try this 5 inch cheesecake pan I bought a few weeks ago. I did the exact same bake time with this pan.

After whipping up the batter, same recipe as last time, I melted about 25 caramels in a glass mixing bowl for approximately 2 minutes (1 minute then stir, then 30 seconds after that until just right). I will say that I was actually counting caramels when my son interrupted with a question about his math lesson I completely lost count. After it cooled I added 3/4 cups of batter to the mixing bowl and stirred until combined. Then I took 1/4 cup of that caramel mix and added back into the batter. I wanted a light caramel flavor throughout without stirring in actual caramel.

Then I poured the rest of the caramel mix into the bottom of the crust. On top of that I slowly poured the cheesecake batter, careful not to mix them. Then bake at 350 for 1 hour and 15 minutes. The 5 inch required the same amount of bake time.

So being a new blogger I forgot to take a picture of the large cheesecake before it was eaten. But here is the 5 inch. Isn’t it cute? It is sitting on a Corelle dessert plate to give you an idea of it’s size.

It turned out fantastically. It is also the perfect size for a nice dessert for a family of 4 or 5.

Also the Pampered Chef springform pan was perfect. It has handles for easy removal from the water bath. The glass tempered bottom worked very well. It has no ridge which makes removal of the cheesecake to a serving dish very simple. After using the small plastic tool that comes with it to loosen it from the bottom it slid right off. I usually put parchment paper in the bottom to make this easier but I wanted to really test the pan. So I only put butter on the bottom to see what it would do. It was amazing.

My next alteration, more caramel. I wanted each bite to have a nice caramel layer oozing just ever so slightly from the bottom. However, I was very pleased with the pecan flavor that infused throughout with just the simple addition of pecans at the bottom. It is almost exactly what I want.

I also made the triple chocolate fudge this week but again forgot to take pictures. My husband’s solution? Make another one. He is so helpful.

Thankful Thursday

2011-03-03T11:03:00.003-05:00

Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say rejoice. Philipians 4:4

I am thankful for this Lady (on the right). I am thankful for a God who answers a prayer spoken over 10 years ago. I am thankful and in awe of finding her next door to a rent house we picked online with a 2 week notice to move. I am thankful for a new skill I can use to bless others even if they use it for car tracks.

A skill that requires I spend large amounts of time with these two ladies (above) who understand my fabric addiction. Ladies who understand that I have 6 projects going on and I still bought fabric for another (isn’t it lovely? Antique Fair from Moda).

Ladies who understand that there are days when my points will never match. Days when I will lose my scissors even though they are tied to me. Who love me enough to give me a quilting timeout to collect myself.

So, thank you ladies. See you tomorrow. I promise to have my blocks ready if not I will give you cheesecake to distract you.

Linked up today over at Thankful Thursday. Thanks for the idea Kathryn!

Works For Me Wednesday–Pine Shelves

2011-03-01T23:19:00.003-05:00

I love these shelves. Currently they hold toys in one of the boy’s rooms. They are 10 years old and show no sign of wearing out.

I purchased them at Williams & Sonoma in 2001 for storage in my home office. When we moved they were used for a makeshift pantry in our new apartment. Next they were used for garage storage. After that they were used in the playroom for the same thing they are doing now.

The shelves are adjustable too. I can’t find them anywhere else and I would highly recommend them even though they might be more expensive. They will certainly last.

When we put them in the playroom we bolted them to the wall. There are 3 L-brackets on each shelf weighted at 75 lbs each. Most full grown adults could climb one of these things. Did I mention I have busy boys?

3 boys, 3 moves, and countless bumps & bruises but still hangin’ on beautifully. They SO work for me!

For more WFMW thoughts and ideas go to We Are That Family at the link below.

Tackle It Tuesday–Healing

2011-03-01T11:47:00.002-05:00

I got sick. We all got the super bug and it still lingers. I have a sinus infection and feel weak, even after a week of no fever. I get short of breath walking to the car and shaky if I do too many chores. My head feels like a snow globe with green icky stuff inside. Every time I bend over or turn sideways I feel wobbly but not in a fun way.

My goal for the last few days and the rest of this week is to heal completely, stop feeling exhausted, and get rid of all this junk in my head.

I slept in this morning. I have increased my Vitamin C and water intake. I still use the Netipot everyday. Each day I feel a little better. At this rate I will be completely healed by Easter.

Monday Musings

2011-02-27T23:26:00.001-05:00

I speak often of my enthusiasm for Mondays. I adore the potential the week holds.

I write diligently in my planner on Mondays, detailing activities and goals.

I thought sharing on the blog might hold me more accountable to my schedules and plans.

There is already one setback already lurking in the shadows. I am still struggling to break free from this super bug. A sinus infection has set in and I feel short of breath still. And frankly I am exhausted from normal chores. There are a few cases of pneumonia floating around our church that have me concerned. I wonder if I am ignoring the obvious and should make the trip to the clinic.

So this week’s goals

#1 – more Vitamin C and lots more water

#2 – go to bed early (at least by 10 pm)

#3 – no eating out (happens a lot when I am too sick to cook)

#4 – work at least one hour/day on organizing biz

#5 – make table cloth for school room table

#6 – make a triple chocolate cheesecake!

I have a few appointments and events as well. And still lots to blog about waiting on the back burner. Time has been the issue as usual and cute little boys who distract me from everything. For now I will focus on this lurking sickness. It seems to be the biggest threat to my week.

Happy Monday!

Caramel Pecan Cheesecake

2011-02-24T10:30:00.000-05:00

Since we have been sick I thought I would go back and post a recipe of an earlier post.

This is one I “altered” to get this delectable Caramel Pecan Cheesecake. It was amazing.

I love the Original New York Cheesecake from Junior’s Cheesecake Cookbook (available on Amazon). I used this as the starting point. However, I do not like their sponge cake crust. For this one I used pecan shortbread cookies.

Crust:

1 box Pecan Shortbread Cookies
1/2 to 1 cup of Graham Cracker crumbs

Preheat oven to 350. Grease sides and bottom of 9 in. springform pan with butter. Pulse cookies in the food processor until fine (they will be mushy). Next add graham cracker crumbs until you have a wet but loose consistency (i.e. one that will stick together when smooshed into the pan). Press into bottom and up the sides of the 9 in. springform pan.

Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Remove from oven and set aside to cool. Leave oven on 350.

Caramel Filling:

1/2 package (unwrapped) Kraft Caramels
1/2 cup heavy cream

Place caramels in a microwave safe bowl and heat for 1 minute. Stir and continue to microwave in 30 second intervals until completely melted. Stir in heavy cream until it is easy to stir. (I totally made this up as I went and didn’t want to add sweetness to the caramels) Set aside to pour into batter next. If it hardens too much by the end of making the batter stick in the microwave for 30 seconds to warm it up.

Filling:

4-8oz packages of cream cheese (use only full fat), at room temperature
1 2/3 cups of sugar
1/4 cup cornstarch
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract (pictured is my favorite vanilla)
2 extra large eggs
3/4 cup heavy or whipping cream

1. Mix together one package of cream cheese, 1/3 cup of sugar, and cornstarch on low speed, until creamy. Do this for 3 minutes, scraping the bowl down several times (yes 3 minutes is important). Now blend in the remaining cream cheese, one block at a time, scraping down the bowl after each one.

2. Now increase your mixer speed to medium and beat in the rest of the sugar (1 1/3 cups), then the vanilla. Next beat in the eggs one at a time, mixing well after each one. Now slowly blend in the heavy cream. BE CAREFUL NOT TO OVERMIX. I usually switch to a spatula at this point and stir it in until thoroughly mixed.

3. Put Heavy Duty Aluminum Foil (I use 3 sheets) around the springform pan so it comes up the sides but does not hang over where the filling will go. Place the springform pan encased in foil into a large roasting pan. Now pour your batter in carefully, leaving 1/4 of it in the bowl. The foil only serves to keep water from leaking into the bottom of the springform pan, ruining the crust and cake.

4. Now carefully spoon your caramel filling in even glops around the batter. Gently push them down (not too far or you will hit the crust) and swirl. Over swirling will change the batter so you just want to swirl a little. Now gently pour the remaining batter over the top.

5. The water bath: finally pour room temperature water into the roasting pan until at least half way up the sides of the pan. Do not let any water get into the cheesecake. This will cause cracking and ruin the top your cheesecake. Place carefully in the oven. Tip: If you have a pitcher of water it is easier to put the roasting pan on the oven rack and carefully pour water in the pan this way. It is very heavy once the water is in there and difficult to lift without sloshing the water.

6. Close the oven and bake for 1 hour 15 minutes. Do not open the oven. Those slight changes in temperature will cause cracking. Once done (will still look jiggly) pull it out carefully and remove from the water bath. Place on countertop and don’t touch it until completely cool (at least 2 hours). After cool, place in the refrigerator overnight, or at least 4-6 hours. You can freeze this one up to one month if tightly wrapped in plastic wrap.

I promise to get better pictures of the process next time. I am new to the blogging world and have not yet learned to photograph everything all the time.

Enjoying Feasting in Fellowship Fridays over at the Comfy Kitchen!

Super Bugs

2011-02-24T01:42:00.001-05:00

We got sick. It started 10 days ago with this one.

Then crept over to this one a few days later.

Next it latched onto me and the hubby.We have missed church 2 weeks in a row it moved so slow. I am at 60% after 5 days, maybe. The Netipot is my close BFF.

Yesterday it made its way to this one.

This is his “super sad sick face” he made for the camera. I don’t think he understood what I wanted.

I guess it hasn’t finished because today they all took involuntary naps. Their grumpiness got a group punishment of room time. After 20 minutes of silence I got worried and found them passed out in bed.

Only a Super Bug can accomplish that.

Works For Me Wednesday-On Your Mark, Get Set, Go!

2011-02-23T11:24:00.002-05:00

TIMERS!

I love timers. They have so many uses in the home. I first started using a timer when I found FlyLady (she is very popular so you probably know).

When I was a new mom and things felt overwhelming and sleep deprivation threatened my grip on reality timers saved me. I knew I could at the very least do anything for 15 minutes or less. Often I only had 15 minutes to do everything.

My grandmother was the first to introduce me to the world of timing yourself. When I complained once about a chore taking forever she said she would time me to see how long it really took. Of course it was not the hour it felt like, only 10 minutes. I was truly shocked that chores took so little time. What had I been whining about?

Now when complaints and whines threaten my day I will use a timer. When my kids do the same I challenge them to a race to see how fast they can finish using a timer. The objective countdown to when my son’s violin practice is over works well too. No more arguing about playing that piece one more time (well almost).

After years of doing this I can now take a shower, get dressed, and ready to go faster than my husband. Or like this week when illness has thrown me off track and I have no clean you know what to wear because I have been to dizzy and weak to do anything but feed and nurse us back to health, I know that I will get it done 15 minutes at a time eventually.

(Please note: Timers are not magical devices that make kids stop whining. They still complain but the timer helps focus and distract them and it doesn’t always work.)

The chores I complain about most and how long they take:

Dishes, countertops, prep for next day, clean coffee machines, and pack a lunch – 35 min
Make Bed – 2 min
Load/unload washer & dryer, fold 1 load of clothes – 10 min
Straighten kid’s rooms (without their help) – 15 min
Tidy entire house for unexpected guests – 1 hour
Clean Bathroom – 15 minutes
Mop Kitchen Floor – 10 minutes

If the chore takes more than 15 minutes I break it up into 15 minute chunks so I don’t feel overwhelmed.If these times seem off to you then it may be because I have trimmed what I do down to the essentials. I do my best (not perfect) to keep what I love and use it. My time is precious and so is yours. Cleaning and moving items that I don’t love or serve a purpose for our family steals my time and doesn’t belong in our house.

So, go pick the chore you like the least and set your timer. You will be surprised how long it really takes. Now give me 15 minutes and this pile of laundry. Go!

P.S. A house cleaned imperfectly can still bless your family (thanks FlyLady).

Tackle It Tuesday-All Tied Up

2011-02-21T23:32:00.003-05:00

If you are like me then you are surrounded by cords. Everything plugs in, syncs, or charges these days. We have a surplus of power cords, usb cords, audio/visual cables, cables for televisions and computers, adapters, data cords, etc. It is a challenge to keep it organized.

I regularly go through the piles to thin it out but inevitably it spreads across the house as devices die or move. Another issue we face as military is moving which means we might need that cord at the next house.

Today I organized the piles. First I found everything around the house and garage. There were several locations that developed as I have tried to organize over the years.

Next my husband went thru the pile disposing items we no longer used. Below is what was left after the decluttering. 2 large boxes to one small pile!

Then he wound each cord, zip tied it, and sorted according to type. He had to do this because I have no idea what each cord does or if it was important. I placed each type in a plastic bag and labeled it. We ended up with 6 different bags. I thought about just writing with a sharpie on the bag but it wouldn’t show up as well as the white label.

Large easy to read labels will prevent digging through the box and putting new cords away easier in the future. Items left out were too large for a plastic bag or in their own bag and unique so easy to identify.

Finally, I put them sitting up with the labels showing in this Rubbermaid 10 gallon bin I bought at Lowe’s last year. I put this bin on the storage shelf next to the door going into the house coming from the garage. Then I labeled the bin and dated it. The date was so I would know the last time I decluttered it and when it is time to do it again.

This is a busy door and it is easy to reach. Because we look for cords once or twice a month it is best to keep it convenient. Otherwise I am more likely to either forget where it is or put off a task because it is too hard to get the box down. I feel much better now and I have some free space in the office. I wonder what I can put there next week.

Cancelled Due to Sickness

2011-02-21T07:23:00.001-05:00

I don’t know how other bloggers handle these events as we are mainly SAHM with no assistants or maids or nannies. But when I get sick the world around me comes to screeching halt.

Many times we are blessed with a helpful compassionate husband who steps in the best he can. And we appreciate that run to the drugstore and his best efforts at getting the kids in bed.

However, there is nothing that can make the sickness go away. It started last week and finally made its way to me. We are guessing the flu but I am not going into the doctor’s office to find out. We always catch something else and this was plenty. We are mostly recovered, fevers gone and aching less. The stuffy nose and sinus pressure are sticking around just for kicks.

But this means there was no Cheesecake Saturday as all our plans were cancelled. I also did not get one organizing project done unless you count the laundry marathon going on today.

(These are all clean BTW, waiting to be folded)

Extreme Couponing - Harris Teeter Update

2011-02-18T22:39:00.001-05:00

So here is my Harris Teeter haul.

3 Gallons OJ, 2 ID Coffee Creamers, 2 Chuck Roasts, 2 Schiff Move Free 120 ct., 5 Barilla Pastas, 1 Simply Lemonade, 6 Boxes Green Giant Frozen Veggies, 8 Green Giant Steamers, 4 Grands Biscuits, 2 Grands Cinnamon Rolls, 2 Crescent Rolls, 1 Kraft Singles Cheese Slices, 2 Kleenexes, and 3 Top Ramen.

I paid $99 and saved $94 according to the receipt. I used 15 coupons (the limit was 20) and could have been more if the items had been there.

Admittedly not the best I could do. I grew impatient with the list and could have printed more coupons. Also, some of the items I needed/wanted were sold out on Day 2 of the sale. I think I will try again at the first of next week after they have had time to restock.

And finally, I wasn’t the only crazy coupon lady in the store with her notebook. There was one younger mother with 10 x’s more coupons than me and her smaller quieter children were sitting patiently in the cart. Mine were begging to go home before we left the driveway. I coveted her binder of coupons! Forgive me. She was not the only one though. Many frugal shoppers were in the store that day. I am not alone.

I am still pleased with the purchases. All of these items are things we use regularly and needed. I am determined to do better.

Extreme Couponing–Just Beginning

2011-02-17T11:07:00.001-05:00

In December I received the Couponizer with my Clever Container Kit (www.clevercontainer.com). This is a young company that does direct sales like Mary Kay, with organizing products. It was perfect fit with my professional organizing business.

The Couponizer I had seen in magazines and wondered if it really worked so I was excited to try it out. It does work well and I like the fold out/sorting thing. At first I thought it was silly but it does a great job getting you organized.

I always found clipping coupons tedious and overwhelming. I usually went impulsively to the grocery store because we were in dire straits trying to throw dinner together at the last minute or out of diapers. Then I just walked through grabbing what we needed. I usually missed something and paid for it, literally.

A budget has motivated me to get even better and the Couponizer was just what I needed. This year we will be Gazelle Intense!

I was finally over being that weird lady in line with 50 coupons. Motherhood and a tight budget does that to you.

I read websites (my favorite so far is Southern Savers), printed extra coupons, picked up extra newspapers (free on post), and started clipping.

My savings didn’t seem to be paying off at first. I thought maybe I was using more ink and paper than I was saving. Then I found Extreme Couponing. What?! I am ready to be extreme.

You clip, clip, print, print, follow sales, and over time you can get stuff for almost nothing. If you find something on special you can use multiple coupons and then stock up. So if toothpaste is usually $2 and on sale plus a coupon it is $.35, buy as many as you can with your coupons. The key is OVER TIME you save. It isn’t instant.

Suddenly my Couponizer wasn’t big enough. I switched to a notebook with clear protector sheets. I used the same categories from the Couponizer and I still use the fold out sheet to organize them. Some couponers don’t cut them out and keep a huge file, but I find it too confusing if I don’t. Do what works for you.

Southern Savers does a lot of the work for you by tracking sales. Most of these sites like Southern Savers I follow on Facebook so updates come thru my newsfeed daily. New coupons and new sales will post first on Facebook.

For military shoppers you can go online at http://www.operationintouch.com/Home.aspx and follow the links to the commissary. There specials and prices are posted there so you can see if it is cheaper there or at your local grocery store. They also put extra coupons buy items at the commissary and you can grab a few there. Sometimes they are military store only, sometimes they are manufacturer coupons. Be sure to check.

It feels like a big game of cards, deciding what to use, when to use it, and whoever saves the most or spends the least wins. I like card games.

My last trip to the grocery store I used 45 coupons that added up to $32 in savings. The cashier did not look happy. The woman in front of me had almost as many coupons as I did. I wanted to high five her but I held back. I wasn’t ready to be that weird.

(This is me getting ready for the store)

Today I am making a list and getting my coupons together. Harris Teeter is having double coupons for the next week. I may be a little too excited about this. I will let you know how I do.

P.S. I do find this quite confusing but am determined to save. Also, don’t do this the first few times with kids in tow and a huge list. You will give up and spend more than you normally would.

Works For Me Wednesday–Canisters

2011-02-15T23:29:00.004-05:00

Like any newlywed I had registered for all the same kitchen things. I was so excited to get my own set of canisters in Cobalt Blue. Little did I know they didn’t work.

My hand and the measuring cup didn’t fit in the top. By the time I got both out half the sugar had fallen out and my measurement was wrong. Plus some sugar had fallen on the countertop which meant cleaning it up. I started leaving the sugar and flour in big plastic containers in the pantry, never using the pretty ones on the counter.

If you know me you know I like things to work. I want to use them and if I don’t and it just takes up space then out it goes. Beauty is just a bonus when something needs to get done. And sometimes the cookies just need to get done! So I tossed them.

After I got over the guilt I finally figured out what I really wanted. THESE!

I love them. They work great. They are huge and easy to use. I can leave a 2 cup measuring scoop in each one. I can open the latch with one hand, scoop without spilling, and close it again. I know immediately when I am running low and each one holds at least a 4-5 lb bag or more of each item. They even look nice on the countertop.

Check out more WFMW info over here:

Tackle It Tuesday–Filing

2011-02-15T14:00:00.002-05:00

This is my project this week. Take our old files and clean them out then re-file them into these new beautiful files. I have put it off for years. These cute little file boxes were on sale 75% off at www.franklincovey.com in December, the perfect opportunity. At least now I can look at something pretty while doing something boring.

Our lives have changed since the first system started. 11 years, 1 house, many moves, 3 children, 6 dogs (not all at once), cars, appliances, etc. have become part of our lives. All those things create paperwork, some to keep, shred, or recycle.

These are the files I have collected over the years. Each one different and added at a different time for a new activity.

Files should change with you. Many things are digital now so paper is less necessary but some things still require paper especially in the Army (marriage license, rabies vaccinations, birth certificates, power of attorney, wills, etc.).

This pile is full of old bills and receipts, past tax returns, equipment/appliance manuals available online, and paper that should go in a different location.

The first box now contains current receipts, medical records, insurance policies, dog’s health records and pedigrees, and a few hard to find manuals not online. This will also eventually contain homeschool records required by the state in the event we need to produce them.

The second box contains quilt patterns, decorating inspirations, and craft ideas. This changes with my mood and interests, so monthly.

The third box is room to grow. I wanted these boxes to last awhile so I bought one extra. Each box has room left in it so as we change our files will change with us, at least for awhile.

Your system should work with your lifestyle. I like to put them in categories according to how I work with them. I work on finances and important household information at the same time. Medical information also falls into that category but we are all healthy folks with no recurring/chronic issues. Our files are small. If you are different you should probably have your own file box filed alphabetically with nothing else. This is especially important if you often find yourself in the ER or running out the door to multiple doctor appointments.

http://getbuttonedup.com/wp-content/themes/buttonedup_09_v2/img/products/images/medicaldoc_large.jpg

This one from Buttoned Up looks useful and easy to transport.

I quilt and look at patterns at a completely separate time. Some times I produce the box for friends to rifle through for inspiration or fun.

http://getbuttonedup.com/our-products/all-products/school-files/

Homeschool is a separate activity and has its own accordion file from Buttoned Up. This one was designed for a household of 3 children in public/private school. Since I have 3 boys, one in 2nd grade and one almost in kindergarten I found it useful for keeping their curriculum information separate. This is a file that will change annually with each school year. Each child individual tab pulls out so you can write on it. Very handy!

Testing records and legal documents for state requirements are kept with the other important documents in box 1. They will be updated and filed away hopefully never to be used. I occasionally send my son to retrieve documents out of the school file so it is important no irreplaceable/vital docs be kept here.

As you can see I have no files for my husband. He is gadget guy and has TONS of documents specific to the military. Each has a number letter combo and it confuses the heck out of me. He carries almost all of them with him daily on his PDA. He loves being paperless when he can. I am

Now why boxes and not a filing cabinet? Two reasons: we are Army and we have a small house. We will move. When we do I like to keep important documents with me, not locked on a truck driving across country or on a ship going overseas. Our house has no room for a filing cabinet. I would love one really but this is what works for us for now.

I hope you can find what works for you.

Find more project ideas at:

http://www.mommysavers.com/2011/02/organizing-bathroom-cabinetsdrawers/#comment-6459

and

Valentine’s Day–A Cookie Party

2011-02-14T06:01:00.001-05:00

180 heart shaped sugar cookies +

8 batches of icing +

Sprinkles, sprinkles, & sprinkles +

18 boys and girls from 3 weeks old to 10 years old (and 5 moms)

= a fun & delicious afternoon

and a little clean up…

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Tackle It Tuesday–Organizing the Kitchen

2011-02-08T09:29:00.004-05:00

On Tuesdays I am going to begin posting about a weekly organizing project.

This week it was a major rearrange of a shelf to provide more storage in my cozy kitchen.

The first step was to get the shelf out of the office. After I determined that I didn’t actually need the shelf and could simply declutter it I started unloading. Then DH helped me carry it into the kitchen.

(the metal shelf in the left corner – great one to pick huh? see Where is Your Office for the lowdown on my crazy office space)

Now it does block a window but the view isn’t great. We live in a rental property that has too many trees. In fact so many trees grass cannot grow. Trust me. I tried. I counted the trees. 32 in the backyard alone, 52 total on the property. That is a lot to this Texas girl from the land where you can see for 100 miles. I supplement Vitamin D now.

Anyway, because of the trees we don’t get a lot of light on a sunny day. Moving the shelf there wasn’t going to change much and would solve a ton of problems.

I have recently started baking 3 to 4 times a week, some times more (see Cheesecake Saturday). My baking supplies were not easily accessible for that amount of baking. I have this huge mixer that I LOVE and it was too big for the counter where it was. My pans were down low where every dust ball & bunny, dying insect, dog hair, and leaves would accumulate. Not what you want in your baking pans. I washed them before and after I used them. Who has that kind of time?

(Please ignore the awful paint job and butcher block laminate counter top. It is a rent house. There is nothing I can do.)

So now they are up, out of danger. I moved the microwave because my kids are finally old enough not to use it to microwave their action figures.

That also opened up space to move my beloved mixer within arms reach. This opened up the other side of the counter which meant I could get the cabinet cleared above by moving some canisters out of there. So now I have organized, viewable, baking supplies with more counter and cabinet space.

I then moved the bins from the pantry/shelf to the rolling cart shelf where the baking pans used to be. I also pulled out a punch bowl that didn’t fit in a cabinet above the refrigerator and put it on the large shelf.

It was my husband’s grandmother’s punch bowl she had forever. I love to keep those things out and hopefully use. They make me feel connected and fuzzy inside. Besides if you aren’t going to use it why do you have it? (not always true with antique items but most things)

You might wonder why many of my pantry items are in plastic containers with lids? Well that story is for another post. It involves a large rodent with opposable thumbs or at least it seemed like he had some.

Happy Organizing!

God Is In The Details

2011-02-07T07:52:00.001-05:00

Recently my grandmother passed away, somewhat unexpectedly, and we needed to head home. We were unprepared and couldn’t afford the trip.

My family insisted we come home and offered to pay for the tickets and provide us with a car to drive. Even with such a generous gift there are still many small things that need to be purchased on a trip with 3 small boys and 3 dogs to leave behind.

We had to get there quickly because DH had to come home right after the funeral. We planned as best we could, still missing a few key things like how to unlock the front door for the dog sitter and accurate feeding instructions. We lost one night of sleep, finally got confirmed tickets at 4:30 am, and boarded our plane at 6 am. Everything was working very well for such short notice. We were even able to find tickets from the airport here to our destination with only one layover and no body scanners. A miracle! And at half the price! Another miracle.

On the flight we bought some snacks for the kids because I did not pack any food and we were all without breakfast. Not a good combo for a 3 hour flight.

Our layover was at DFW in Dallas where there was a USO. This meant free food and a safe place with cartoons to sit with the boys. Perfect. As we were checking in with the USO the flight attendant from our flight walked up to us to give us our money back. She said that military gets free snacks on flights and thanked my husband for his service.

On our second flight we were on a prop jet which the boys loved. The little ones fell asleep almost immediately and our oldest was content to watch iTunes on the laptop.

I don’t remember much about the second flight. I had been awake now for 28 hours. We got off the plane with our usual chaos, the boys eager to see Nana and their cousins.

As they all ran ahead a gentleman who was on the plane with us walked up beside me. He handed me a folded piece of money and simply said “God told me to give this to you.” I took it because I honestly didn’t know what else to do and asked him to repeat what he said. He repeated himself and said “You know?” I said I did know and thanked him.

He walked on and I didn’t see him again. As I finally caught up with my family at baggage claim I told my husband what just happened. I pulled out the bill and unfolded it to finally see he had given me a $100. We were surprised and very thankful.

After we returned home I realized I had taken a picture of our mysterious friend. I was playing with my camera settings during that flight and taking pictures of anything interesting near me.

So thank you friend whoever you may be. We don’t often see the results of how God uses us but many times we are the recipients of that faithful obedience.

Thank you Lord for caring for the birds of the field and our trip home. Nothing is too small or impossible for You. I am grateful for the reminder.

Cheesecake Saturday–Cappuccino Cheesecake

2011-02-05T05:23:00.000-05:00

Well, my hopes and dreams for a new creation were dashed with a busy week and a missing ingredient. My perfectionism creeps in demanding a particular cocoa powder that cannot be found at the commissary.

So I will instead feature a delicious Cappuccino Cheesecake that was fantastic. Again this recipe comes from the Junior's book.

It went very easily and does not require much more than an original New York from last week.

(Grated chocolate curls on top with some coffee beans)

The change that pushed this one over the top, too rich to finish, OH MY! delicious was the crust. I thought and fretted asking for input for that special thing. A friend came to my rescue and after a trip to the store I found something to work.

I used these cookies, ground up, add melted butter, and 2 tablespoons of Amaretto. 10 minutes in the oven and an amazing crust appeared.

I attempted this one a second time but the cookies could not be found. I did find a very delicious almond thin gourmet cookie and did not add amaretto (none to be found at home in TX). It was delicious but not WOW which is what I usually aim for when baking.

(Please forgive my picture taking ability. I am working on it.)

Now to the store for that cocoa. It must be made!

FOTO FRIDAY–Scenes from an airplane

2011-02-04T05:39:00.000-05:00

This is what 3 boys excited to see their cousins and grandparents after 18 months looks like at 6 am.

On every airplane they read the emergency procedures THOROUGHLY. I think it was the dramatic pictures.

USO in DFW Airport. Free food and no fear of kids running off, at least not too far. Leather Chairs and the freedom to change the channel to Disney or Nick Jr., so amazing.

Second plane.

After a week of cousins, 2 more plane rides without DH, at 10:30 pm they all 3 insisted I take a picture of them in front of this new Jeep by baggage claim. BOYS!

I NEED A PARENT

2011-02-03T10:07:00.001-05:00

Well, maybe not a parent but someone to act like one. Someone to ask “Did you finish that? You know it was due today. You know you will be in trouble and hate yourself later.”

Norman Rockwell’s “Mother Spanking Her Child”

This is the lazy answer to my life long struggle with self-control. We were supposed to learn this as children and I apparently wasn’t listening. What my mom required of me came easily. I could make A’s without studying and keep up appearances without any work. No one caught me putting in less than half the effort I could have been. They were happy with my mediocre.

Now that life is real and no one is taking up the slack this giant hole of weakness is apparent to me everyday. Now that I am a parent and see what it will do to my children if I let them give me only half of their potential what good will come? If they see me giving half and giving up after a small effort what will they learn?

I pray earnestly they will learn much more than I did. I pray they will struggle less with self-control, at least with the everyday things like cleaning up their room. Maybe my hopes are too high but when did lowering expectations make anyone a better person?

Today is new day.....

2011-01-31T13:05:00.002-05:00

says Chicken Little and so do I. I love Mondays. It is a do-over on last week. It holds potential that your week can be great, life-changing, or productive. On Monday my entire to-do list is possible and nothing has messed it up yet.

So far today we are behind on school because we were behind from last week and I got a cold. Now I am catching up with house chores and the monkeys are restless. For some reason manners and common courtesy got left on the airplane. It takes a lot of extra time and energy to hand out punishments.

But I think we are all caught up on colds, sleep, and laundry. So my to-do list is entirely possible and my hope for Monday continues.

What is your favorite day of the week?

Cheesecake Saturday!

2011-01-29T17:46:00.008-05:00

Here at Apple Tree Hill we do 3 things (besides parenting, marriage, living an Army life,etc): organizing, quilts, and cheesecake.

Every Saturday I hope to post a recipe and pictures of the cheesecake I have made that week. My husband will be very pleased.

We will begin Cheesecake Saturday with the original New York Style Cheesecake, Junior Style. This is my favorite book lately. I have made 6 cheesecakes out of this book since I got it a year ago. They are famous in New York and beyond. I have never been to New York City or the state for that matter. I hear good things about Juniors and they do have great recipes.

This is their Original New York Cheesecake. Very creamy and delicious.

Now I have tried their sponge cake crust before and find it wanting. Perhaps I did not do it correctly, which is entirely possible. I am not perfect. But the graham cracker crust came across better to me and my husband prefers it. Afterall I started making cheesecakes for him so I guess he gets the final say. No one else is complaining.

Decisions, decisions

2011-01-28T10:54:00.011-05:00

Okay, while I have many other things to do it is time for my weekly quilt "class". I really don't know why we still call it a class. We try to meet every week, but often reschedule, and just keep going. There is no end which is fabulous.

I adore my classmates and our teacher is a wealth of information. The problem is my ability to stay on task, to stay focused on one project and to stay OUT of the fabric store.

Well today I have approximately 2 hours before they arrive. I must make a decision before they get here so I can accomplish something in class today.

Here is my dilemma:
I am making 3 baby quilts (eventually) for 3 nieces. I just had the pleasure of visiting 2 of them.

The 3rd niece is one the way, due in May. Aren't they precious? They are so kissable too! Perfect and precious, which is what I get to say being the aunt who lives so far away. Nana says it too but she says that about all the grandkids.

Here are my choices. Each is easy to do and I have 1 fat quarter bundle of 40's fabric and 2 jelly rolls (see Moda Bakeshop for jelly roll explanation) to choose from. So easily I can make 3 small quilts (not crib more like 60x60) from all that. Yes, backing fabric and sashing will need to be purchased but when does it not?

These are all courtesy of Moda BakeShop Blog (www.modaebakeshop.com). They feature some fabulous quilters and crafters using Moda fabric. I love to look at it all.

So opinions? advice? Tell me I am crazy, why would I attempt 3 quilts when I have 5 ongoing projects? It is a sickness I think. The quilting disease that all quilters get. It is wonderful.

Tossed About

2011-01-26T21:54:00.004-05:00

I just wrote about distractions (see previous blog entry) and how they are inevitable. How they should be welcomed because if we are to trust that God is in control then those distractions are not distractions but part of His plan. Right?

Whatever they are they still rush past me tossing me about. Whether they be little or gigantic I grow weary of the pushing and pulling.

After being tossed about a few months ago (I am sure it had something to do with DH being gone on training) I was reminded of these verses: Ephesians 4:14-16 "so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love."

This reality hit me that I was that child, tossed to and fro, drowning from the waves of the life I am living. I wanted to stop the waves never realizing that I just needed to find an anchor.

Every time a wave hit instead of turning to God in prayer I tried to work my way out of it. I still try but not as often and I don't get that far before I remember that I don't like the tossing and I am not a good swimmer.

The disruptions

2011-01-21T00:54:00.003-05:00

I like things quiet. A smooth even day warms my heart. At the end of those days when all is as you think it should be I wonder how can I make this happen again.

What I hate about most days are the disruptions and annoyances that throw me off task. When the boys won't respond to my requests or the phone rings too many times I get impatient and angry. When it takes me an hour to finish one email and I forgot the laundry sitting in the washer yet again because I was cleaning the mess off the carpet. Those are the days when things are not going MY WAY.

Now you ask, what is wrong with that? It seems obvious doesn't it. I am not getting MY WAY. I don't get what I want and I might as well stomp my feet like the child I am on the inside.

Oh, that is what is wrong with that! It has taken me, ahem, many years to learn the lesson that things will not go my way. And can we all say a great AMEN for that?!

New Year Resolutions

2011-01-13T06:21:00.002-05:00

As part of the New Year I have decided the only way to avoid interruption is to rise at 4:30 AM. That's right, you heard me, 4:30 AM! Shocked? Perplexed as to why someone would do this to themselves?

Well, two reasons. 1)DH wakes up at 3:45 AM on work days. He has this weird work ethic thingy (really I like it about him) where he gets to work at least 45 minutes to 1 hour early. Maybe it is an Army thing. We like to see each other you know because we like each other so this is one way to do that. It also means we go to bed at the same time which is nice too. Being up later than him always felt so lonely and I am a morning person in my heart. Just getting the body to agree was.....difficult.

Where is your office?

2011-01-13T06:09:00.011-05:00

As a stay at home/work at home mom/wife/woman do you have an office? I used to work prior to the monkeys with my own tidy desk, door to close, and quiet peaceful moments of consecutive thought. It was MY OFFICE. Everyone could tell with my name on the door.

My husband never came to the office nor did he insist that he "work" on my computer. I didn't have to put work off because someone was watching iTunes again nor did I accidentally roll my chair over a paw.

Carving out space at my new job is difficult because I NEVER EVER leave my new office and it is much larger. I am the VP of Operations, Logistics, Human Resources, Continuing Education, Finanaces, and Catering. I have held this job for over 11 years now.

My employees are in the training phase. I was told I cannot fire them, although it crosses my mind every now and then.

So with questionable "help" and so many different jobs, I decided to turn my living room into my office. I needed room to keep an eye on one employee. He is a whiz with the computer, but only enough to get himself in trouble. I think he likes the VP to watch him do stuff. He is also easily distracted.

The other two employees are a lot alike. Being almost the same age (15 mths apart) they work well together but their productivity is really down.

The final 3 are a little like a security camera that isn't recording. It looks like security but really they aren't doing anything. They are often caught napping and have been written up for stealing items from the break room.

Even after all that, it is the best job in the world. Plus, I think the President of the Co. is really cute.

I have a confession....

2011-01-11T12:09:00.006-05:00

I don't like snow days! There I said it. I feel so much better now that you all know. I can stop trying to sound happy.

Ok, I do think the snow is pretty when it is falling. I do love how it quiets everything outside. It is peaceful. 5 minutes later I am over it.

As a child skipping school made them wonderful, like recess ALL DAY. I never worried about cleaning or cooking, I just played with my sisters and layed around all day.

Now I am on the other side of it, with 3 boys. Have I mentioned that boys are different than girls? They go nuts, begging at 6:30 am to go outside in the snow. Then every 10 minutes, "Can we go now?". Once you finally let them out they return 15 minutes later COVERED in snow which they track through the house running to tell you they have been hit in the face with a snowball and can you please spank their brother.

DH has been home too. He was on the end of leave and the snow days pushed it back 1 1/2 days. He was already a little stir crazy being home for 2 weeks. Extra time just made it worse.

If we lived further north I am certain this would be different. But we don't. I don't buy snow gear because, well we get snow 2 maybe 3 times a winter. This is the 2nd and it is January. I may have to hit some sales this week for snow boots.

The other reason, my routines are completely off. You know that rhythm of laundry, meals, school, picking up toys, and generally responsive calm children. Yeah, tossed right out the window into the snow.

I know, relax enjoy it. I tried, then I stepped in cold snow in the hallway in my socks. Good news, it is melting and DH is going back to work today. Woohoo!

Next post, on how selfish I am.

Oh Henry!

2011-01-08T09:32:00.004-05:00

If you know me personally you know I have dogs. I love dogs. I talk about dogs endlessly if you let me. I have had all kinds of dogs, kept several for weeks and even months so they could eventualy go home. I have even had the misfortune of losing a few over the years.

So it should come as no shock to you when I tell you how hopelessly distraught I was last Saturday evening when we couldn't find one of our beloved dogs. Even worse, it was Henry, our BLIND Australian Shepherd. We each thought the other had made sure he was inside. In the chaos of making dinner and putting 3 boys in bed we never noticed he wasn't asleep on the floor.

Now before you think "how could you miss a big 60lb dog?" you must first know Henry. He is a quiet, intelligent, sweet guy who rarely makes noise unless there is reason. We have had him since he was 4 months old, he started going blind at 2 and at 5 is now 100% blind. It was a genetic disorder that not even his breeder could prevent. He adjusted so well we didn't really know there was problem until his eyes began changing physically, not contracting with light, etc. He still played, occasionally bumping while turning a corner, missing steps, but never complaining always adjusting. He would walk easily through a house that constantly changed with toddlers and infants walking about moving toys and Mom who likes to rearrange. When we finally figured it out he was about 80% blind, only seeing shapes and shadows we think.

Now I have not known any other blind dogs but I have read a bit online. I have yet to see/read about one that acts like Henry. I don't know if it is because we didn't know he was going blind or that I require him to still do things like a sighted dog. My husband was very upset by the news he was mostly blind. I reminded him that the only difference between the day we found out and the day before was our knowledge that he was blind. Henry didn't label himself and I was determined our attitude toward him didn't change his sense of being a dog. I guess it worked because he is fearless. He still tries to herd and can nip you if you give him enough time and noise. And little boys usually do.

SO, Saturday night I was a mess. After checking every inch of the house, front yard, and back yard where a 60lb Australian Sheperd could fit I started knocking on the neighbor's doors. He never goes too far but he had been in the front yard (still confused how he got left out there) for 2 1/2 hours alone, in the rain. After about 15 minutes I couldn't stop the tears. He is blind and smart but he won't whine or bark for me. He will just sit down and wait until I find him if he gets stuck. Or someone picked him up. He didn't have on tags because the noise confuses him inside the house. It was dark and it was impossible to see him. Praying for God to return your dog seems silly, even to me, but I did anyway.

All our neighbors came out to help us look. It was late and raining. I couldn't believe they would do that. I finally decided to drive around. I knew he wouldn't behave like a normal dog. He would stay against something feeling/smelling his way foward. So I decided to drive as if he had gone down the hill (which he never does without one of us) and followed a scent along the curb/fence line. It felt impossible.

I turned the corner and there he was! Sniffing a mailbox. I know kind of quick huh?

He had gone the way I thought and I can only thank God for this small blessing. If it were not for the rain more people would have been out. Someone would have picked him up and never brought him back. Even with the blindness he is a wonderful pet.

If you have ever met Henry you would know why he is such a great dog. He is very well behaved and very sweet. To lose him was unthinkable to me but it reminded me in a small way how quickly things can change. How wonderful things can be one minute and horrible the next. I am thankful it was a temporary sense of loss and joyful that things were right back to normal. I am also thankful for the reminder how temporary the things we cling to tightly can be, even dogs.

Today....

2011-01-07T09:02:00.002-05:00

is one of those days. It is day 3 of feeling "off" with an upset stomach and headache that won't stop. My To-Do list is growing which increases my stress and my headache. Still I can't get moving because the stomach won't cooperate.

So I declare it Computer Free Friday! I started this last month but forgot during the holidays. Now I remember why I started it. I loved my sanity more than I love the easy access of the computer distractions.

May your Friday be sane and peaceful.

New and shiny......

2011-01-05T06:15:00.003-05:00

is what the new year looked like to me only 5 days ago.

I love new and shiny. It is why I shop. It is why newborns are precious no matter what they do. New and shiny hold potential and a promise of future joy.

This morning was not new and shiny. It ached in my shoulders where that massage that felt great 2 days ago is now sore. It creaked in my neck where I slept funny and mocked me when I woke up 15 minutes before my 5am alarm.

Still, all those creaks and aches brought me closer to my knees as I prayed this morning. 4 days out of 365 is all I had of my own strength to do good and rise early. I wonder why it took me 4 days to realize that. I have only actually been up early for 2 days, the first two I slept in.

Is that not just like us to make more of what we did than what it actually was?

So for the rest of 2011 I pray will be spent daily on my knees every morning, praying for strentgh to get up again the next day. Because I know by evening I will have thought of another way to take credit for that which I did not do.

I will try to be brave....

2011-01-04T12:55:00.002-05:00

and follow where I pray the Lord is leading me. He leads me out of my head, out to the land of people. I hesitate because when out there before I was knocked about, so much that I retreated. I still have bruises but I am compelled by what I can only assume is the Holy Spirit because I know it is not me.

I have moments of full out yelling "NO" inside my head but I still go. From experience I have learned you will eventually do what God wants you to do. The yelling doesn't change anything. *See Jonah and the Big Fish*

Part of moving forward is posting on this blog. I have some other things to work on but today it is just this blog. Tomorrow I am going to let my husband be right all day long, even when he isn't.

May you do something brave today too.

Our New Chef

2011-01-03T20:23:00.008-05:00

My oldest son always asks to help in the kitchen. He has since he was very small, always on the countertops watching, wanting to stir, wash dishes, etc. Now he is 8 and I thought maybe it was time to let him make his own dinner, with assistance.

He got this book at Christmas with a gift card from Nana.

He chose lasagna for his first meal. While pouring in the sauce he said it looked like a particle cannon. Perhaps he should cut back on the Command & Conquer before he cooks unsupervised.

This was the result and it was delicious. Since my husband can only reheat or follow really specific directions totaling no more than 3 steps I look forward to another cook in the house. DH will appreciate the help as well. I think the stovetop scares him.

On a side note, I think I need prettier dishes if I am going to take pictures for the blog.

Hello 2011!

2011-01-03T10:02:00.002-05:00

I love January. I love that a new year has begun. It has so much potential, so much can still be done.

After 35 years of new years I have learned to keep perspective despite my affinity for new things.

This year I KNOW something will go wrong. I KNOW I will not keep on track with my goals or desires. God's plan is always different, always better, and always unexpected to me. So I am expecting the unexpected if that is possible. I am preparing for things to go completely into left field, have a picnic, and take nap.

So knowing all that, I am still excited for things to happen.

I am about to start my 2nd child in homeschooling. He might start violin. My oldest is doing 2nd grade with 5 subjects and hopefully will add Latin in the summer.

All this excites me. I questioned my desire before but homeschooling actually excites me especially the older they get. I love knowing this much about my boys. How they learn, how they think, how they understand the world is amazing. I love it.

I also started a new business. It scares and excites me at the same time. This will be such an intersting year.

How to turn myself into a writer?

2010-12-12T07:18:00.004-05:00

Many MANY years ago I considered pursuing writing in college. I had already completed a degree in Psychology and was not satisfied. I had returned briefly for a business degree that required a writing course my previous degree had not. Finally after years of failure I had finally been able to pull an A out of my professor for writing. I actually enjoyed too!

Well fast forward 12 years, 3 kids, a wonderful marriage, and knowledge of Army stuff I never wanted, and here I sit thinking about writing again.

I don’t understand the appeal it has for me. It is rather like exposing myself to strangers emotionally but nonetheless I feel drawn.

The downside, it requires quiet moments without interruption. It also requires that emotionally I am mostly free from mental burdens. 2 events that are rare in my life.

I will add it to the prayer list and see what comes of it.

A new mission

2010-12-08T10:57:00.002-05:00

Well, we have a new mission. This one includes the family I fear. DH is on "standby" of sorts. I don't really think about it daily but I am reminded in tiny moments that he could be swept away with a phone call.

Our marriage has never been typical. Our home life is always different. I think I resent that at times and other times I relish in it. This mission is no different.

Either way it is reality, and one I cannot change. So I will add this to my list of prayer requests and go on as all good army wives do. Or more importantly I will remain thankful for each moment and not complain about the things I do not have. I will pray for a contented heart and find joy even in my trials.

That is so much easier to type than do.

Am I sick...

2010-12-07T14:12:00.002-05:00

or just getting old?

I woke up 3 hours past my normal wake up time. I just couldn't get my eyes to open or remember why I needed to get up. It was strange. I wonder if this is what getting "old" feels like. Perhaps 80 or 90 but I really hope I am just sick.

My boys have gotten good at playing quietly so morning chores can be delayed so the alarm systen I am used to is starting to fail.

The two little ones are just sick and act how I feel. So maybe I caught it from them. Please let this runny nose, congestion, headache, and lethargy be a cold! Because it too shall pass.

Wow, he really gets me!

2010-12-02T22:41:00.002-05:00

I saw this on a blog. He totally describes my day, minus the interruptions every 2 minutes from my boys.

At least I know what to fix now.

Perhaps you shall hear from me less, or more depending on my chores.

Thank you Lord for only giving me two arms

2010-12-01T12:15:00.002-05:00

A few years ago my son got a book titled "If Mom Had Three Arms" and he asked me to read it over and over and over again. I memorized it.

At first it was funny but eventually I started to over think it, of course. The thought of having more than two arms was stressful. One more arm meant one more thing to keep track of and control. One more arm meant I had to pay attention to it, move it, give it chores, etc. The book didn't stop at three arms. It went up to 16!

I remember the anatomy lesson that your brain is in two halves, not 3, not 4, and definitely not 16. Can you imagine your brain in 16 parts? I tried. It gave me a headache.

So for all of you wishing for one more arm, don't. Be thankful for two and slow down so those two can be very useful. Your brain will thank you.

A small house and big expectations

2010-11-30T09:47:00.003-05:00

When we moved with the Army we could only afford so much house. We also were locked into certain homes because we had 4 dogs, 3 over 50lbs. Now my dogs cause less messes than my kids but most landlords will not even consider dogs.

So when we moved we lost 400 sq feet, an open floor plan, and a home only 7 years old. Instead we got lots of land and space to play outside with a central location. We also got a home that was 30 years old, not well maintained, lots of allergy producing trees, and more tiny closets than one person needs.

I ask alot of a home. We school here, run a business, cook, play, quilt, and do most family time here. We are homebodies.

Because of all that I move furniture. My husband says alot but honestly I have slowed down. I move it to odd places. I block doorways, put bookshelves inside closets, and use sewing machine cases to hold TVs. I use what works and what I have in the house. If it doesn't work then I go a little nuts.

So, dear husband, I know you don't like to move furniture but it makes for a better wife. Wouldn't you agree?

Why I Organize

2010-11-26T10:26:00.002-05:00

I was not born into an organized home. I grew up learning how to save everything, keep it for a rainy day, or hang out to it out of guilt for the price or who made it for you. Stuff was very stressful in my childhood home, at least to me. To those around me stuff meant things. Clothes had meaning beyond covering your body. Objects represented events and memories whether they were beautiful or not. All of these things weighed heavily on me.

I tried to be what I saw around me. I tried to care about the clothes, trinkets, and status symbols. When I left for college I finally realized that it was not who I was. I looked around me and saw girls living happily without all those clothes. They didn't have 30 sweaters or 15 pairs of jeans. They didn't have 10 different dresses for church for only the Spring or 6 watches. I could be free and still be happy.

I remember the day I cleaned out my closet. I took several trash bags of clothing to the dumpster (I didn't know what else to do with it back then). My organizing days had begun! I had found my freedom.

Now I am 35 with a husband, 3 boys, 3 dogs, and a home. I buy clothes that are comfortable and reasonably priced. Cluttered countertops and things piled about still really bother me but I don't always have the energy to tackle them.

But the most important thing I realized is if it isn't organized I can't function. If things are out of place so am I. Now everyday clutter that can be put away quickly doesn't bother me. It has a home I just haven't put it away yet. It is the stuff that doesn't have a home that gets to me, wears me down, and ultimately effects my long term sense of self.

Ridiculous? I think so but it is who I am. I can't get around it. I have tried. So today I will be reorganizing the house a bit. I will be very happy when it is done. My husband (who will be doing the heavy lifting) probably won't agree.

Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas!

Heartbreak

2010-11-22T11:22:00.002-05:00

Today I have before me the very picture of living a heartbroken life. I see all the reasons her life lead to this point and I see myself in her. She chooses her path by following her broken heart. This heart was broken long ago at time when she could not protect it. It was broken by those who were the protectors. Instead she was caught in their wake of selfish lies and discarded along the way.

Now she tries to make her way unaware that the real heartbreak will never be healed. I have had similar heartaches, though not as pronounced. I sought comfort in similar places. I fought the same battles with my heart. I never won.

Instead I was saved. Christ sought me out and saved me. It was nothing I did nor did I know that I needed that saving. It has been a long road to today. I still feel the scars and deal with the consequences. But I no longer follow my broken heart. I pray the same for this girl in front of me.

To all who served.....

2010-11-11T04:29:00.007-05:00

I say thank you.

I am daily reminded of your sacrifice and the lives you led without the luxury of technology, cell phones, and skype. You did it without great equipment or pay.

You did it knowing that many of you would not return home. You left knowing you would only be writing letters that would reach home after a month's journey.

Your children did not always know you when you returned. Parts of your life had moved on and still you served. Many will never fully understand all your sacrfices and that is okay.

So thank you from those of us who do understand in part. I know this not why you served but still we are grateful.

helping hands

2010-11-09T09:48:00.002-05:00

Recently I have been witness to the offer of help and the giver of the same. I have also in the recent past been the receiver of such help. I remember when my middle son was hospitalized with a spinal infection and subsequent treatments at home for 6 weeks. We were locked in the house to prevent more infections, loss of sleep due to the IV medications, and fear if I didn't do my job he would die. That was alot to absorb and I still don't think I ever fully grasped what was going on. I was just trying to get through it and do what was set before me. I couldn't think about what we needed past the next 8 hours.

But there were many hands offering help. Genuine offers of sincere loving help and I had nothing for them to do. The help I needed couldn't be brought by distant friends. I needed someone to make a copy of me so she could run around and do everything. So I didn't have to tell her where to put the dishes or how that was supposed to work.

Have you ever considered how many people it would take to replace you? I did. It would take 6 people doing 6 different jobs to replace me. Mom, cook, cleaner, dog wrangler (we had 4), bookkeeper, nurse (I can change a bandage like no one else), and general manager of all activities. Maybe more. I am highly skilled apparently, or just very good at doing lots of things at one time. I am still deciding.

Turning down those offers made me feel guilty. It was difficult to simply say I don't need anything when I obviously did. I felt like I was lying. So I wonder what to offer when I offer help? A gift certificate to be used later when things are better? A meal but in containers that can be tossed (because who wants to do dishes)? I am stumped. I don't want to put more on the people by forcing them to say no but I also don't want them to think we are not willing to help or don't sincerely care.

Zach-Zach

2010-11-07T17:45:00.009-05:00

He got the name after the fun character in "The Incredibles", Jack-Jack. He is my youngest of 3 boys. He was unexpected, only 15 months behind our middle son, but I knew he was exactly what God had planned. He is the one I understand least, even at the age of 3 (almost 4), I don't have a line on his soul and spirit.

My first son I connected with immediately. I KNEW him. He reflects me in many ways. My second son I immediately KNEW I was looking at his father. Zach appeared and I was confused.

I know you are thinking I am crazy. How can you possibly KNOW who a newborn is? How can you understand them and what they are thinking? Well I don't know but I did with those two. I DIDN'T with the third. He is definitely this amazing combination of both of us, a combination neither of us understand.

My love for him is unchanged, but my patience with him is regularly questioned. He refuses something he loved the day before. He screams when he can't get his pants on but refuses help. His recent assertion of independence is welcomed with the exception of the constant screaming (little girl ear piercing screams BTW). But then he climbs into bed with us EVERY night and refuses to fall asleep without me present. (Tried putting him back many times and I tell ya 3 am screaming is worse than day time screaming)

I pray I can be the Mom God needs me to be to him. I pray I can let him be the man God wants him to be. I pray that I don't ground him until he is 5 for all the screaming.

My life is amusing

2010-11-05T04:00:00.001-04:00

to me and to others is seems. I didn't know it but folks are delighted at my status updates on Facebook. They think I am so clever and so funny, or so I am told. I cannot take credit however. These are my true sources of funny. They are delightful, imaginative, and pure boy.

Today, instead of making beds and tidying their rooms as they were told this morning they announced they were guinea pigs who build evil robots to take over the world. They spoke in guinea pig for a good 15 minutes then gave it up to give more specific robot building instructions.

I am often told boys are different than girls. I agree, don't you?

It's a new day....

2010-11-04T11:32:00.002-04:00

sort of. So I have been busy, mentally busy that is, and unable to straighten my thoughts out long enough to put them down in the blog. If only there were some kind of mental iron, I would probably need the linen setting at this point.

I am trying to start a business and I feel so inadequate for the task. The door of opportunity has swung wide open and all I need to do is the work. My inner child is whining at the thought of all the work but I KNOW it should be done, needs to be done, and eventually will be done. Now to find a time-out chair for the inner child. I named her Amanda. I have known some whiny Amanda's in my life so it seemed appropriate. I apologize to the amazing non-whiny Amanda's out there.

So while Amanda is in time out I am going to do some research and work on a presentation. Then I will do laundry and go to the grocery store. It isn't even close to a glamorous life but it is blessed.

I am back.....

2010-10-19T14:29:00.002-04:00

...maybe. Life has been blessedly busy. I remember last when DH was deployed and how desperately lonely I was everyday. It subsided as I made friends but that took months and months so most days were alone, most night were alone. I will never again complain about too busy. Too busy means you have a life. Too busy means you have friends and the biggest problem you have everyday is deciding what NOT to do so you don't overdo it.

Trust me, too busy is a blessing in comparison to too lonely. So hug your friends and family. Thank them for being a part of your busy life. They are a blessing from God. Enjoy every minute and don't worry so much about keeping up with the "things" around you.

Now I am off to QUICKLY tidy the house so I can have friends over tonight and get some quilting done. Before that I have to make phone calls, do some marketing for the biz, and maybe cook some dinner. Thank you, thank you, thank you, LORD for my busy blessed life.

How Do You Show Love

2010-07-15T13:06:00.006-04:00

Recently we were memorizing/learning the verses most often used at weddings, the Love Chapter, 1 Corinthians 13. We only did verses 4 thru 7 which was plenty for the youngins'.

I always enjoy the conviction and admonition that comes to you when you are least expecting it. These verses did that to me, and they haven't stopped for over a week. I feel like someone dropped a ton of rocks on me.

I pray they are burned in my soul.
The big ones for me:

Love DOES NOT behave rudely. Ouch!

Love is NOT irritable or resentful. Double Ouch!

Love Bears all things; Believes all things; Hopes all things; Endures all things. (painful moaning).......call for help!!!

I have not shown love as I should. I am working on it. This will take my lifetime I am sure. Until then please forgive me.

I praise God for our new day so that we may begin again. I praise God for his Son, Jesus, who already paid for my sinful selfish lack of love. I praise God that He forgives me daily. He knows I would never be able to do this EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER. Whew! I am so glad he KNOWS me.

Subjects to avoid in conversations with military spouses | spouses, spouse, emotions - Close Up - Sun Journal

2010-07-07T14:21:00.000-04:00

As an Army wife and participant in numerous deployments, ranging from 2 weeks to 12 months over the course of 10 years of marriage I can really relate to this article. 3 months is different than 12 and none of it compares to civilian life. I don't think these are all of the things you should never say. But they are certainly on the list. So if you know a military spouse, forgive us for losing our temper when you say one of these things. We are trying to hold it together, really we are, but we are really bad at it some days.

Subjects to avoid in conversations with military spouses | spouses, spouse, emotions - Close Up - Sun Journal

Construction Woes

2010-07-02T19:20:00.006-04:00

Our current house is a rental. We are military, enough said. They finally got around to repairing the hole in the floor by the fireplace that turned out to be a leak on the roof around the chimney that had gone on for 5 or more years. 5 YEARS!

Well, it rotted out the roof, the support beam for the roof, studs on half the wall, subfloor, beams supporting the floor, door frame, basically everything on that wall.

They knocked down the adorable stone fireplace. Why you ask? Because it was all rotted behind the fireplace.

Does anyone know what happens when there is rotting plant matter (wood) in North Carolina? Anyone? If you live here for more than 2 seconds you know. It attracts your friendly neighborhood cockroach. Here they call them Palmetto bugs or Water bugs. Yeah, they are still cockroaches.

Can anyone guess what happens when rotting wood goes unchecked for 5 years? The Water Bugs build a nest, in your wall.

OKAY WHAT IS NEXT GETS A LITTLE SQUIMISH FOR THOSE WITH BUG ISSUES SO YOU MAY WANT TO STOP READING.

When those nice construction guys knock it down the bugs come pouring out. I didn't get a picture. I was too busy trying to kill them before they got in the rest of the house. I am pretty sure I missed some because I have been killing little baby water bugs for several months now.

My only consolation, this particular cockroach doesn't like the indoors. They prefer decaying plant matter, outside, not in the house. Whew! So when given a choice they want to leave. It wasn't much of a consolation.

Parallel Lives

2010-07-01T16:10:00.011-04:00

This is DH home on R&R last summer toward the end of a 12 month deployment

It became painfully apparent that I do not share all of my life with my husband. It is a hazard of military life. Between training, schools, long hours on post, and deployments we do not share our lives. I don't know how other families work together or how much they share. I have lived here in this house for almost 2 years. He has lived here for 8 months. I will be sad to leave it, very sad. I love our church, I love my neighbors and friends. They are like family to me in many ways. He still needs directions to get around town and could leave tomorrow if he needs to with no sadness except for maybe the stuff on post

This absence has gone on for most of our marriage. It is larger now that we are Army (Air Force does not know how good they have it). The training is longer, the deployments are longer, and the work days seem longer as well. But I have learned to keep moving forward, albeit slowly, with life and activities. I used to wait for DH to get home or a better time when we could all do it. I realized it was never going to happen. Nothing was ever going to work perfectly or be timed just right. The boys are getting bigger and we were all missing out. So we keep going.
. 2003 Deployment during our Air Force Years

The problem is that so is he. He does have a military life that we are separate from most of the time. We cannot understand. We simply can't. I have to accept that.

The way it seems to work for us though in somewhere at home. We rest in the knowledge that we are a family no matter what happens. We are here, at home, where ever that may be at the time. He knows we will be here waiting when he gets home. He knows what he is working for while he trains and takes tedious classes at bases far away. We are working at shutting things out to enjoy that time. We have to fight harder for that time that many families I see take for granted. We do not enjoy the familiarity of everyday routines with another person. I have to work at not resenting his laptop in my work area. I rejoice at times to have the extra laundry. It means he is home, for now.

We move forward, live our lives that we may glorify God, here and there. Some times together, many times apart. Moving, not on the same path, but still together.

Packing night for 2008 Deployment

Absence does make the heart grow fonder in some ways. In other ways it causes you to put up defenses because you know they will have to leave again. You learn to live with the pain, at least I try, so you can enjoy the moment. Because some times all you get is that moment.

Never burn bridges....

2010-06-30T09:06:00.004-04:00

My last few days have been a doozy. Well maybe a little bit of a doozy but it felt big to me. I squeezed it in between kids, school, church, and quilt class. It kind of fell on me at once but would not have been that bad had it not been for those folks who at times are a little crazed with life and it spills onto other things.

First it was someone in the Army life. They were having an awful week and I called, innocently asking for information, at exactly the wrong time. After some words from them (I didn't have a chance to speak) they hung up to yell at the person they were actually mad at. I was stunned a little but not hurt. I baked her some banana bread to smooth things over even though it wasn't my fault. Homemade banana bread fixes a lot of things.

The second event was from some sensitive tenants in the house we can't sell in another state. We leased it because we couldn't sell it. They wanted to buy it but have had so many financial and medical issues they can't. We have to sell. We can't afford to keep it. They refuse to show it and have delayed the process for 2 months. Texting is not a great way to communicate this type of information but they will not answer the phone. Then they called my DH mean in a text. -Sigh-

I type all this to say, never burn your bridges. You never know when you will need that person to show kindness or compassion. As a Christian I am commanded to turn the other cheek. I am also commanded to act with kindness and gentleness no matter what you have done to me. I know all people do not act this way. Not all people are Christians and not all Christians act this way all the time. Odds are they will return your spite with spite and then some.

I will speak with the Army contact later in the week when she is feeling better. Our tenants are legally bound to allow access to the house and still need a good reference from us. I don't think they remember that. You never know when you will need that bridge to still be standing, and besides mean words never help. They only make you look crazy and out of control.

I pray your bridges are still standing today. If not perhaps you need to repair them if you know how.

2010-06-28T10:18:00.003-04:00

I don't know WHAT this says about me or my high school years but this song reminds me of hot summer nights, drivin' too fast down a dirt road tryin' to make curfew. I was almost always comin' back from something I shouldn't a' been doin'.

Yes all the words were intentional because I remember my childhood in a deep Texas accent.

2010-06-27T22:41:00.004-04:00

I just love this one. 2 of my 3 boys will do this with me, the other one looks at us like we are crazy. It is the same look his father gets, but we eventually wear him down until he at least laughs but not before he complains our music is too loud. You know some 4 year olds just don't get it!

Late Night Reverie

2010-06-24T23:30:00.003-04:00

I should go to bed.
I SHOULDN'T watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes on Netflix until 3 am.
I should get up early and exercise.
I SHOULDN'T sleep in until my wake call up hits me in the head with a toy truck.
I should post more on the blog.
I SHOULDN'T over analyze everything until my drafts out number my posts.

Here is to all the "should-ers" out there! May you all turn into doers...goodnight.

Posting Paradise

2010-06-19T22:49:00.002-04:00

The freedom of the blog post is truly a release I finally realized. After being mommed, pulled, yanked, and shot (with toys) pulling your brain out of that fog enough to form sentences is heaven.

Tonight it took almost 2 hours of reading other fantastically creative blogs, new quilt patterns, new fabrics, and funny stories of other moms who are also shot at with toys frequently throughout the day.

I have to say what finally yanked me to reality was the post about a quilter's block tool that is an iPhone or iTouch app, or and iPad that I have started to desire for no other reason that it looks like so much efficient terrific fun that I could make a special pretty case for and carry with me. The app can take a preloaded block and tell you what and how to cut the fabric and how much you need for each different block, even if you change the size of the block. I almost fell out of my chair. Such genius and portable on a wonderful iPad.

Well, now that I am aware and awake I noticed the dogs need to be fed. They are circling my chair. Thank you other bloggers for the creative boost. I just might make it to bed on time after all.

Does this thing still work?

2010-06-08T01:03:00.002-04:00

Well I am utterly confused by the blogger switchy thing. Mainly because i have no idea what I am doing. But if this will still publish perhaps I have a shot.

What to pack?

2010-04-05T17:00:00.002-04:00

Well I leave for a trip on Thursday for Texas. I am going to my hometown where all my immediate family resides. I have 4 siblings so for them all to have remained or returned to the place of our upbringing is quite unusual. Nonetheless there they all are so I am off for a visit.

I leave behind all my sweet boys and my dear husband. He very gracious took leave to stay home with the boys while I trek to Texas for 9 days. There were many things to decided leading up to this trip, most seemed out of my control. So I go for 9 providential days of family time and visits. I have older relatives to visit, some documenting of quilts, and perhaps a little fabric shopping.

As any good quilter knows, no matter where you are you must visit the local fabric shop. It has been quite awhile since I have been home and without kids in tow I have ample time to browse the quilt shop and enjoy the local amenities.

Although I grew up there much has changed. It is a small town but I have been "out" of town for quite some time. I usually come to see family and do nothing else. This trip offers a rare opportunity to explore, visit, and take in the town.

I have never been away from my boys for more than one night except to have another one or when our DS2 was hospitalized at 8 months old. Even then I saw my oldest everyday when he visited, and I was pregnant with DS3. I am well aware that I will suffer more than my husband and sons. My plan is to keep myself VERY busy so I won't miss them as much. Also, prayer, there will be lots of prayer.

Now I must decide what to pack. So much extra room when you are only packing for one. So many decisions! Do I bring that quilt I want to start or do I wait and use the extra space for supplies? Do I bring the 9 patch to work on at my Aunt's house with the fancy sewing machines or do I buy some new fabric and cut up those fat quarters? Oh I will throw in some clothing too, eventually.

A loaded needle

2010-03-24T12:04:00.003-04:00

and I am not afraid to use it!

I started hand quilting 2 weeks ago. Some of you may ask why. Why would I do something so time consuming that I could do so much faster on a machine? Well I tried the machine and was not pleased with the results. Perhaps because it looked like I attempted it after 3 shots of tequila. Until I get a better machine with a fancy foot to keep me on the path I have chosen then I think my slow hands will have to do.

My other reason was the accuracy and control you have with hand quilting. Of course I used this reason before I actually started hand quilting. Now that I have started I discovered that I don't actually have that much control or accuracy because you need to build muscles and knowledge about how that needle is going to move through your fabric, your quarter inch seams, and those points you worked so hard to match.

Last night, at 2 am, in an attempt to force a needle through one hard spot I completely bent it. I didn't know you could do that. It was then I decided I should go to bed and try again in the morning. I will show you my results when I actually finish the little quilt.

I love my kids

2010-03-02T14:03:00.002-05:00

I have always thought my boys were brilliant. I once spoke to a homeschooling mom who runs a curriculum business which is great, she also has 3 grown boys. I was describing my oldest to her and how difficult I found it to teach him because he was so fast. She told me many helpful things because she had one son who was very similar, but what stuck in my head the most was this statement. "They make wonderful adults."

My oldest is now 7 and absorbs many things, but rarely what I want him to learn. His best subject is not even a subject. He is a geogprahy whiz thanks to our SmartGlobe. If you don't have one for your kids you should. It is really amazing.

When DH's youngest brother, who is in medical school, visited a few months ago he was amazed at the oldest's ability to locate places and asked him to do it over and over again. Early one morning they were competing with one of the games where you find places as fast as you can in a certain amount of time. The 7 year old beat the med student. Good thing he just needs to know anatomy.

In fact he asked my son so often to repeat things from the globe he was finally told, "You really need to get a SmartGlobe". I love my kids! They can always make me laugh.

An Icky Tuesday

2010-03-02T10:36:00.002-05:00

I know I have not posted in awhile as things change so quickly around here. I am attempting a few new things. I ordered an all natural weight loss supplement because the baby weight, now 3 years old, will still not come off. Granted I have not tried that hard but I have rarely tried that hard in the past and it usually comes off by itself. I will blame the Army like I do for most things these days! Hahahaha!!!!

That would be great to lay blame at another's feet, sadly it is my own fault I am certain. I will let you know how it goes. It isn't a stimulant but helps increase energy and regulate stress hormones which seem to be running rampant in me as DH brings home news of one more thing for him leave for weeks or months on end. So maybe it is a little the Army's fault. When I get stressed I hang on to every last cell like a squirrel storing nuts for the winter. I am surprised my cheeks don't puff up like I am hiding nuts!

Today is gray with a chance of snow and I am fighting off a little cold. No fever just tons of drainage that makes my head spin. Just enough to cancel appointments and slow me down.

I will start quilting again next week and have a great shopping day planned for Saturday that will include quilt shops and a delicious lunch. Plenty of reason to up my Vitamin C and focus on getting well. I love quilt shops.

Hi Ho the Dairy Oh......

2010-01-30T11:41:00.001-05:00

......we finally made it home.

You know that you are truly desperate for your child to stop crying when you can make up endless verses to this tune hours on end.

After six hours there and back in the car by myself with my 2 year-old and 50 lb puppy, home is a welcoming sight. We made it home with little excitement but getting there and experiencing my family was, as usual, something to talk about.

We set out a week ago Wednesday and 2 hours into the trip my puppy threw up in the back seat. While I was on the side of the BUSY highway cleaning up the mess with baby wipes and telling my dog to not jump out of the car, my son picked up my coffee cup. It of course was easily within his reach because it was the only place to set it due to the large amounts of stuff in the front seat to entertain him. Although it had a lid on it he still managed to spill it into the toy bucket and just a little on the laptop sitting in front of him. This of course was put so close to play his DVD's so he wouldn't cry the whole way like he did last time we took a trip in the car for more than 3 hours.

The highlights of the trip included running endlessly around my mother's house trying to keep everything from breaking at the hands of the baby or puppy; watching my mother's little 12 lb schnauzer SCREAM in terror anytime puppy tried to play with her (I have never heard that sound come from a dog); pulling my son out of the disgusting backyard pond he fell head first into at the baby shower for my sister's new 4 week old daughter; getting my son to sit still for pictures in the front yard of my mother's house with his 4 cousins and not pull all the flowers out. It may be time to rethink road trips.

(THIS WAS AN OLD POST I NEVER PUBLISHED FROM 5 YEARS AGO. MY LIFE HAS NOT CHANGED MUCH. THE DOG REFERENCED HERE IS OUR AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD WHO IS NOW BLIND BUT STILL THE BEST DOG EVER. MY SON IS NOW 7.)

Being the mother of little boys is not for the weak...

2010-01-29T11:32:00.001-05:00

..when you are greeted like I was this morning. I will spare you any photos and I apoligize in advance to any weak stomach readers. Really, don't read further if you are easily grossed out.

From bed this morning, about 6:30 am, I hear "Ow, ow, ow, ow, Mommy, owie, owie, owie, help, help" in a little voice (not screaming) from my 3 yo in his room. This can mean a variety of things because "ow" for him means anything that is currently touching him that he does not like. The dog, his shirt, a booger on his finger, peanut butter, really anything, and it is my job to rescue him apparently.

So, "ow, ow, help, help, ow, owie, owie, Mommy, owie, ow, ow"...on and on and on. I finally give in knowing it will never stop.

I will pause to say thanks for the ingenious little child proof door lock thingy that I put on the inside of their door. It means they can't get out when I close it. It keeps them in at night because if they knew they could get out they would and have, all night long, over and over again. I like my sleep so I "lock" them in. Trust me, I can hear them if they wake up. Besides the 4 yo one can actually open it

Okay, I go in to their room to see my precious little baby with hands covered in POO. His shirt too and the 4 yo explaining that he had a poopy pull up so he changed it. Had the lock not been there, I would have had that all over me and my bed.

We are currently in the process of fully potty training the extremely stubborn 4 yo who would rather pee in his underwear and put poo on the floor than be bothered to go to the potty. So I took his pull ups during the day away and take him to the potty, all the time. He has yet to do it on his own. Really, he just runs around in pee underwear until I catch him and make him change. I would rethink it and maybe he isn't ready but he is 4 1/2 yo. Come on.

So the poo is on the floor, the 3 yo, the bed, various toys surrounding the poo, pajamas, and the 4 yo. I would like to say this is the first time he has done it. It isn't. I would like to say that he is the only one in the house that I wake up to in this state. NO, he isn't.

The dogs have greeted me with poo presents lately. Normally they are very good about holding it all night. Lately, since the Jack Russell Terrier moved in on the other side of the fence they are a little lax about getting the business done at night. Instead they stand at the fence and bark at him. I have had to rearrange our feeding schedule to earlier in the day which I don't actually have time for and forget quite often so they will poop earlier and not on my floor.

Well, I got it all cleaned up easily. Why, because I know all the cleaners and have a STACK of cleaning towels. I mean the stack you get at Sam's that no one ever uses unless they professionally clean. I use them all the time. Mine are NEON GREEN so I can find them in a poo emergency.

So, later as I am getting out of the shower I am greeted with the 3 yo running back into the bathroom with the plunger. He was "working" on the toilet in the other bathroom. I could tell. It was dripping on my bedroom carpet. This is also the toilet the boys use and don't always flush. They didn't this time either.

It was at this point I realized today was going to be an off day. Just one of those days that everything seems absurd and you are in the middle of it.

Well, I have some laundry to do. I hope this story gives you peace and happiness that you are not me. At least today.

Tomorrow they will do some brilliant and cute. The 4 yo just came in to tell me his calculator is stuck in the neighbor's bush. He said he got the calculator out of the tree. Now I am curious what he means by calculator. Off to the bush!

Facebook | The Daily Spurgeon: Gradual Decline

2010-01-19T13:32:00.000-05:00

Facebook The Daily Spurgeon: Gradual Decline: "Remember, brethren, that decays in grace and backsliding are usually very much like the fall of the autumn leaves. You are watching the trees, forever now they are beginning to indicate the coining fall. They evidently know that their verdant robes are to be stripped from them, for they are casting off their first loose vestments. How slowly the time of the brown leaf comes on! You notice here and there a tinge of the copper hue, and anon the gold leaf or the bronze is apparent. Week after week you observe that the general fall of the leaves is drawing nearer, but it is a matter that creeps slowly on. And so with backsliders. They are not put out of the visible church all at once, they do not become open offenders all at once. The heart by slow degrees turns aside from the living God, and then at last comes the outward sin and the outward shame. God save us from falling by little and little! The devil’s little strokes have felled many great oaks.

From a sermon entitled 'Grey Hairs,' delivered September 13, 1868. Image by Chris Darling under Creative Commons License."

Join | Frugal Hacks

2010-01-18T13:33:00.000-05:00

Join Frugal Hacks: "http://frugalhacks.com/join-the-blogroll/"

I vacuum...

2010-01-18T10:43:00.000-05:00

to relax. I know weird, right? It has not always been like this but something about the humming and methodical moving of the vacuum cleaner back and forth that makes me feel better. It also has the added benefit of getting the kids to run away. They like to pretend they are scared of it and then find something else to do.

I woke up in what can only be explained as a "funk". You know that unexplainable feeling of exhaustion that makes you feel like you are walking through molasses. It was Sunday and I was very grumpy, tired, and couldn't form words properly. I needed to calm down so I got out the Dyson. I vacuumed for 20 minutes and felt much better. My husband, I am certain, was happy to have a functioning wife for a bit. We made it to church on time but the funk returned later.

It is moments like this you simply have to "cowboy up" because whining doesn't help. Your small children don't understand that you feel awful nor do they care. Now I didn't fly through the day. I am not that good of a cowboy. I did feed them and get the important stuff done. I finally felt better around 10 pm at which point I talked my husband into playing Wii Golf. It is our version of spending time together which I find more fun than watching a movie. This way we are actually talking even if it is trash talk about how much better I am at Wii Golf than he is. He stayed up later to do training events so it won't happen again. I thought that might be the end of my brief golf championship status.

A new day

2010-01-16T11:11:00.000-05:00

I love the morning. It holds so much potential and it is after all when the joy will come. The previous day's events can be discouraging, or the lack of events. You can be frustrated and worn down, but waking up often gives you new perspective and determination to overcome those obstacles.

I know each day is a blessing and I was recently convicted by the verse "Boast not thyself of tomorrow; for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth." Proverbs 27:1. It came with a sermon by Jonathan Edwards titled "Procrastination" or "The Sin and Folly of Depending on Future Time". I have not read far into the sermon because it is after all Jonathan Edwards, a well known Reformed preacher from the 18th century. It requires much focus, a dictionary, and thesaurus for me to get through it. You can find a copy of the sermon here, http://www.biblebb.com/files/edwards/procrastination.htm. It was the title that really stuck with me because I had never heard procrastination described as sin or in that manner.

Jonathan Edwards (1703-1758)

Procrastination can take on many forms, but it means you are unwilling to do something that can be done today. Although we may seem "busy" these days we often choose frivilous activities, and there are many out there, to occupy our time. I will sit on Facebook looking at profiles and pictures of people I don't know because it entertains me. My past largest sinful time waster was television. This one is a huge weakness for me, more so than the computer. All the fictional stories developed by worldly writers often put me in a bad mood for reasons I am sure a therapist could figure out but getting rid of it altogether seemed more economical. We do still have a television, but no cable. I also had a huge problem with commerical and how they affected my children, even those on kid channels. We have chosen to purchase shows and movies on DVD and some we watch on Netflix. It has been almost a year since I turned it off and truly I do not miss it. I did compensate by watching shows online which I still do but I have learned to do other things, like quilting, which makes viewing TV online not possible. I do maybe once or twice a month watch a few favorite shows online, but for the most part I simply do not have time. Inevitably even doing this requires I lose sleep or neglect something else. I woud much rather be quilting or reading a book. Both make for a better night's rest than an episode of Criminal Minds.

I do wonder when others find the time to watch television. I stay at home with my children. I have 3 dogs, more than the average family, and I homeschool. But I only have one child of homeschooling age right now and he is easy to teach. I have one real hobby which is quilting and I don't have time for it that often, maybe 2 hours a week, tops. We get sick less than most because we don't go out to public places as often and I don't go to a gym or exercise at all. I should but I don't have time. Now I admit to being a procrastinator but I don't procrastinate enough to make room in my schedule for even an hour of TV. It seems like you really have to neglect your duties and ignore the needs of those around you to actually watch TV shows these days. Of course this is my opinion, and I pray others are better at it than I am.

I am truly a weak individual, driven by my selfish desires. My desire for more sleep because I didn't control myself and get in bed on time makes mornings annoying. My desire to sit on the couch or buy that pretty thing I just saw online I wrestle with daily and I almost always regret giving in to. My desire to have a moment of silence when all my children really want is to play while I watch them leads to raised voices and grumpy kids. All these desires are self-serving and require that I neglect my calling as a Christian, wife, and mother. It is obviously backwards from what we are told by every facet of communication and most "experts" these days.

I would elaborate more on this but I have cookies to make and my son wants his hair shaved off. I am working on my sin of procrastination. I have only been promised today and I will take advantage of it. It isn't even lunch yet and this new day still has so much potential. What will God bring you today?

My First Quilt Class

2010-01-13T10:20:00.000-05:00

I took my first quilt class this last summer. God answered my prayer of learning to quilt by putting me in a rent house we found online that happened to be next door to an expert quilter. I have been hoarding fabric for over 10 years and slowing buying supplies, unwilling to give up hope that someday I would make a quilt. It took me many months to get to know my neighbors. I was overwhelmed with the deployment, the move, and having no friends. I also decided to switch from the church we had first visited and joined when we arrived to one more suited to our family and beliefs. That was difficult but a blessing and what led to the opportunity to have the quilt class.

This is Mildred and I at the end of the second class. I gave this one to my oldest son who named it his "Blankie Quilt" and sleeps with it every night. He begged for weeks for it to be done.

It was a passing conversation with my new friends at church and Mildred happened to be free for the summer class. It was providential in so many ways and the blessings keep coming. First, I am absolutely hooked on quilting. "They" say you either get obsessed or forget about it altogether. Well I am obsessed. If I am not quilting I am looking at quilts, reading quilt blogs, pricing quilt tools online, and estimating how much cash I need to save up before I enter another fabric store. I have to very seriously talk to myself about budgets and not spending more than I should when I need to go into a fabric store. It goes something like this, "You need one thing, go fast, and get out. NO you can't buy anything else just get it and get out. You KNOW you will be so mad at yourself if you overspend...." This dialogue keeps going in my head as I make my way to the cash register.

This is Rita's quilt, a wonderful little baby quilt.

Second, I have some wonderful friends from quilt class that I would not have been able to get to know as well in another setting. I got to know Mildred 10 times better and I love that. She is wonderful and supportive. Always willing to come help me out of the mess I made of the quilt or the sewing machine. I have learned so much from her and love to have such a wonderful neighbor. She is also alone with her husband in a nursing home. I feel so blessed to be able to support her when she needs it or help her lift something if needed. Not that she needs it often. She is seventy something and always goes. I pray I will be that active at her age. I pray I can be that active at my age! She has been such a blessing from God.

I also was able to meet my new friend Jackie. We mainly email but that is all we have time for. Jackie has been a blessing from God in so many ways. We both have been dealing with deployed husbands and have small children at home. I have 3 little boys and she has 5 (3 girls, 2 boys). During this time we have both faced health issues that were daunting and still had to homeschool and maintain households. We both think we did poorly but God had a plan in there somewhere. Neither of us can see it yet but I know we both have faith that it all happened for God's glory. We are both praying that the deployment stuff is over soon, at least in the short term. In the mean time we email, a lot.

This is Regina and her cute quilt. She gave her's as a gift to her mother and she loved it.

Third, it gave me a distraction I desperately needed this last year. With DH gone I dreaded each night and I had something to occupy my mind. Getting your points to match is a fantastic way to distract yourself from the nagging loneliness.

This is me, my first born on his first Christmas, my mother, grandmother, and great grandmother. Aren't they lovely?

Finally, it has given me the inspiration to document my great grandmother's quilts and her story. She is still alive and mentally present to convey her story. I am so excited to find all her older quilts and preserve them for our future generations. She started quilting over 80 years ago when she was 14 years old. She lived through the depression and still loves to laugh. I won't be able to get to Texas until May and have already started preparations to speak with her. She doesn't do much but she is still able to live with her daughter and not in a nursing home. She is excited about the project as well and I can't wait to see her again.

Kenna's "I can't take Ragu anymore" Crockpot Tomato Sauce

2010-01-04T22:20:00.000-05:00

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He made it home....

2009-11-15T21:03:00.000-05:00

safe and sound! DH made it home around 8 am Tuesday morning. I had such plans to welcome him home after 11 months of Army food and desert air I thought I would do some special cooking. I had planned brisket, mashed potatoes, green beans with bacon, and double chocolate pumpkin cheesecake. All favorites and why would they not be favorites?!

Well, 5 pm the night before DS 2 was running a fever, then DS 3 started running a fever by 7 pm. So my friend coming over that evening to help me cook and prepare was cancelled. She has 4 kids of her own and I couldn't bear the thought of getting others ill for my convenience. My other friend coming over to spend the night so I could meet DH on base at 5 am without waking up kidlets when he got off the plane was cancelled too. By 11 pm that evening DS 2 threw up his Tylenol and his dinner which meant waking up DS 3 to change all the bedding. At this point DS 3 is running 101 as well as DS 2, and DS 3 is not sleeping well at all. By 3 am I finally decided to force motrin down the 2 year old and he falls asleep finally at 4 am. Now I am a wreck and my husband who I have not seen since August and is coming home to stay will be home in a few hours.

I did get a message via another wife to let him know that we couldn't meet him so at least he wasn't looking for me. But the idea that he was so close and I couldn't see him instantly didn't help my already sleep deprived mind. So I got up at 7:15 and took a shower and tried to look as presentable as possible even though I knew he didn't care. I cared!

Well, he got home and that is all that matters. More later on how deployments remind me of pregnancy. I never liked being pregnant. I was miserable and sick the entire time. Deployments really remind me of being pregnant.

What doesn't kill you...

2009-11-07T00:45:00.000-05:00

makes you stronger?! Who made this up? This has got to be one of the most irritating statements you can make to someone in crisis. This is one of the most irritating statements you can make to me. What doesn't kill you makes you many things, and by default you grow stronger because you are not dead!

There are many things in the depraved sinful world that make you more mature, wise, with more highly developed defense mechanisms like sarcasm. Is this what one would call stronger? If that is the definition then I am a Super Hero because I am very sarcastic with a highly developed sense of distrust. These are my instincts that have grow out of my tragedies and disappointments. They leave me alone withy my criticism and dark nature to look at God's creation as something to be feared.

I think about this tonight as I wonder what all the military folks down at Ft. Hood are feeling and thinking. What if that same thing happened on Post here? How would I feel? This event will not leave them stronger but simply traumatized. Those who find themselves without God, without hope, without purpose, can see no greater glory in this event. Some will see small blessings and second chances as they realize they had just been there or were running late because some fateful event stopped them. Will they see God being glorified? Will they praise Him in tribulation? We are weak creatures and we are nothing without God.

Tragic events do not make us stronger. They only illustrate our sinful foul nature. I pray for those families tonight and for our soldiers still doing their work. I pray they are comforted and for those who do not believe in Jesus I pray for their salvation. Eternal hope is only found in Christ and we are no good without him, we are not strong. Our strength is in Christ Jesus and in Him alone.

Practically Perfect in Every Way...

2009-10-28T10:42:00.002-04:00

says Mary Poppins and the blissful state of happy childhood she projected over the screen. I had an Effanbee Mary Poppins doll as a child but I was not allowed to play with her. Mom bought us these dolls on our birthdays and Christmas then promptly put them behind glass to be adored from a far. That doll cabinet was cleaned out a few years ago by my sisters and I was sent my dolls, or what we could all remember being my dolls. I received 9 collector's dolls in perfect condition but most I could not remember being mine. There were a few I could have sworn were my sister's but 9 there were, and now I had to do something with them. For a few years they remained in the plastic containers they arrived in at my house at the top of my closet. I have 3 boys who showed no interest in them other than target practice. So I decided, finally to part with them as best I could. They would fetch no money on eBay or Craigslist so they ultimately went to a sweet little girl at church who had a sister. Of the nine, I decided to keep 2, one of those being Mary Poppins.

How far off was this image we all received as children of what our lives should have been, or at the very least how we were to be treated? I am in a current state of confusion about my childhood which is for another post, but it was not happy and I was quite depressed as a child. I have memories at the age of 5 wondering if anyone would notice if I lept off this bridge we were on while on vacation or if it would hurt to land next to the rusted out car smashed on the rocks below. My mom grabbed me of course and I don't think I was very intent on actually doing it. I was just checking to see if I fit between the bars when she noticed and we all left the bridge quickly after that. She was already afraid of heights and my little stunt convinced her she was well founded in her fear. There are more accounts of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts which I am certain are shocking for most to think a child so young had experienced.

I am now 34, not depressed and have the joy of Christ's love and forgiveness that sustains me. I am constantly reminded that I am not sufficient to do anything good or glorifying on my own. It is brutally obvious everyday that I require God's intervention on every aspect of my life to achieve any sort of life that can be measured as good. I will never achieve "Practically Perfect" but if I could then I would not require the redemptive work of Jesus Christ, none of us would. But we all do require redemption for our sins if we are to spend eternity in heaven and not in hell.

After many years, I am grateful for my Mary Poppins doll. I keep her in the top of my closet (for safety right now) so I can see her everyday as a reminder that there was only one perfect person ever to walk this earth and that person is not me. So I take refuge in my savior, Jesus, and rest on God's promises, knowing that I am such a weak and broken creature who does not deserve the blessings I have received. I am indeed very blessed.

Hello Brain

2009-10-23T10:13:00.002-04:00

Good Morning!

Well I finally got my brain back and my body, I hope. This is the first day in MONTHS I have felt like I am worth a "hill of beans" much less like a functioning mommy. But I have gotten chores done this morning that usually take me all day and still have energy left to finish the day. The lesson I have learned, always get your sleep.

My weakness at night right now is online TV. I know this is a weakness so I cutoff our cable 9 months ago or I would most definitely not get off the couch. I also only allow myself to watch while sitting in an uncomfortable chair in front of the computer. This keeps me from staying too long, at least I like to think so. But my backside surprises me how long it can sit in an uncomfortable chair just to get a little peace and quiet.

This is the time of night that I should finish my chores and go to bed but I am reluctant. That bed is so gosh darn bare without the DH around. I don't like to get in unless I am passing out on the pillow so I wait until my tush can't take it and my eyes are closing on me.

My other distraction at night, I am ashamed to say, playing my son's computer game. You know the kind where you build a colony and an army then attack the enemy colonies. I am doing really well. I have a Level 35 home city. It took me months to get there. Of course this started because DH wasn't around to help him learn his new game so I had to figure it out so I could teach him. Then he wanted me to play for him to win his games. Then he wanted to watch me play to learn. Now we take turns. The things a mom will do?!

A brief moment

2009-10-13T11:24:00.000-04:00

Well a quick update - I may or may not have some virus that will not go away. This could range from Mono to Epstein-Barr. This also explains why I have not been blogging. Apparently fighting a virus takes all my words away. I pray for quick healing because everything has been put on hold and I am a little cabin feverish along with my boys. I am going for bloodwork today so hopefully it will all be more clear what I am to do.

The boys are really anxious to watch the blood being drawn. Boy 1 (6 yrs old) wants to know if they are going to use leeches to get it out. The finer points of contamination and the more specific uses of leeches was then discussed. He still wants to see the leeches though. Well off to get partially dressed because I am too tired to take a shower.

At least I am not Job (from the bible not a job)

2009-09-19T09:39:00.000-04:00

...which you may have figured out but you never know.

This is what I tell myself when I have those "pity parties" I had in my last post. At least I have not lost my entire family, property, and home and wish to wear sack cloth or whatever that was. After all that I might feel the same way, abandoned by God, but I didn't come even close. So why all the fits? I will guess it is my greedy flesh thinking all things should be easy because afterall I am a Christian, right? Okay, some of you can stop laughing hysterically. I know the God does not promise an easy life, in fact He promises the opposite. I lose site of those promises and the even better ones like nothing can separate us from Him no matter what happens. Taking refuge in His infinite power, faithfulness, perfection soon sets everything back in order. I just wish I could remember it before I look silly throwing my little tantrums, crying "this isn't fair!".

I was reminded of how much worse everything could be recently. I have seen friends and family struggle with more difficult situations than mine. Sickness and heartache top that list. Some who deal with both, others who have more difficult times with one or the other than I. Through it all they remain faithful and I pray I can too without too many stumbles. I suppose the stumbling and coming back is what increases our maturity and faithfulness. God allows it to happen for reasons I am unaware of but still it is to His glory, because all things are.

Well, now I am rambling but things are better. It is getting better, again. I don't know why God chose to put up with me, but He did. Everyday I am reminded that I don't deserve His love and grace but I am delighted that nothing can take it away, not even my own sinful ways.

Aaaaauuugggghhhhh!!!!!!!

2009-09-14T16:36:00.000-04:00

Sorry to yell online, but that is about all I have in me in this moment. Why do I choose to blog then, you ask? So I can feel like I accomplished something. I don't know why, but today I have not felt at all like anything has been done. When I list it all it sounds better but the feeling of accomplishment still evades me. The kids are fed, clean, and generally happy. We practiced violin, delivered a TV to Raleigh that we sold on Craislist (2 hour roundtrip), did 2 loads of laundry, picked up the playroom that was destroyed this morning, and I will be putting together the quilt top for a class that starts tomorrow. I still feel like NOTHING has been done today.

Does anyone else feel like this through their days? I have 3 boys after all. I would post pics of what they did this morning to their playroom but my photo programs for editing are all still messed up and I am new to the blogging thing. DH always fixes stuff for me on the computer but being out of the country kills that option. I would try to do it myself but I can see him cringing at that idea because almost always has to redo what I do or undo it. He is picky so it is just easier to wait until he returns. Of course leaving things undone adds to my general sense of out of control, nothing gets finished around here.

Perhaps it is because I feel like a traveling circus just moving from the house to the car. Or like a clown car, as the insanity piles out when we stop. While delivering the TV to the strange person I don't know, the kids get out of the car, baby falls down, crying, screaming...sigh. I am trying to pay attention to the strange man, who by all accounts seems honest but still being careful regardless. I have made all the appropriate calls, brought our big dog (90 lbs), and have told the kids to remain strapped in the van. Well, the big dog freaks, as usual, at the site of the stranger and makes herself as small as possible on the floor of the van. I don't even think he knew she was there. Kids unbuckle while I try to help him inside with the very heavy TV, something I was trying to avoid. Now I have to pickup the crying little one who is screaming by now, give a "you are in big trouble" look to the older two and try to finish this transaction.

Now I checked with the DH, who is by the way military police, with a lot of training. I truly trust his judgement above anyone else when it comes to safety. He is very suspicious of everyone and if it was legal to run background checks on everyone he encounters he would. He said it was okay to do this. Had he not I would have turned around, really.

Next time I get to Texas I am so getting my concealed carry and our next dog is going to be bigger than 90lbs. I am thinking around 130lbs and completely black! Actually, we already picked out the breed. I really want a Black Russian Terrier. I wouldn't worry as much then.

A good pry bar needed

2009-09-12T12:17:00.002-04:00

How often do you have those days where nothing, I mean nothing seems to make you move? You walk past toys on the floor, your cringe at the sight of kitchen but you sneak out again hoping no one saw you, and you question the practice of making your bed everyday.

Today I am doing just that. I am hiding on the computer from my chores. Now being a temporary single parent there are somethings I cannot ignore, like cries for help or hunger. I have to do laundry lest we be naked. I must sleep.

But for the other little things like piles of toys, those will wait for tomorrow or the next day. Whatever day I finally get off the computer and back to reality.

For everything there is a season....

2009-09-11T13:10:00.000-04:00

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

I am reminded of this verse today as I recall our last year and the roller coaster it has been. This time last year we were selling our home in TX and awaiting new orders from the Army. We were hoping for Ft. Bragg but until those orders are printed there are no guarantees. DH was still in school far away and I was home with the boys, dogs, and staging the house for showing. I also had some surgery that could no longer wait. We never did sell the house but leased it instead and had about a 10 day notice to get packed up. Upon arriving in NC we learned that DH was assigned to the brigade that was deploying for a year and leaving in a month.

Here I was in a strange place, no church family, no friends, and soon no husband. The pressure was intense. At the time I would have told you I was fine and thought it was going to be fine, but looking back I see how hard that actually was for me. I did crash initially, for about a month, but only God can pick you up and I was not in a praying place at all. We weren't doing school, we were barely making it to church, and I wasn't sleeping. God pulled me out of it enough to realize what was going on wasn't working. We switched churches (something I do not take lightly), I made friends, and things got better.

Now this was an 8 month process. I never questioned God's purpose for bringing us here. I knew we were where He wanted us. Many friends back in Texas questioned it but I never did. My DH being in the middle of a war zone never bothered me. God can protect him just as well in combat as he can in North Carolina. That nagging place in my heart reminding me of how much I missed him is what got me most everyday. The constant thoughts of how much better things are when he is home is the thing that took part of the joy out of the day.

I say all this now because it started all over again. He came home for his break after 8 months. He was only able to stay for 15 days and part of me was thrilled to have him home. The other part was dreading the inevitable crash which is where I find myself now. I have been in an awful mood and it finally hit me why last night. It was this mourning period that I went through the first time. Another Army wife called it the mourning period which made so much sense to me. You are experienceing a huge loss but we are caught in between. Those of us that lose our spouses to deployment lose something big. We have to exist day to day as if our spouse is gone, but emotionally they are not. We are still married and have to now communicate electronically and via packages. We know it will end but it is so very far away.

Please don't mistake this as a plea for pity. I am in no way comparing this to someone actually losing their husband. It is different in so many ways. I think there are more people who can help when you actually lose your spouse or at least who are willing to help. I get this blank stare and the most common phrase "that must be so hard for you" from most people. They don't know and simply can't understand. I know because I was that person 8 years ago before the deployments started. Before the military took my husband away to schools, TDY, or simply out of the country.

I so appreciate that knowing look from other military wives who have been there. Who know you have hit a wall, or need an activity, or simply don't ask that question. It means you don't have to explain and you can relax. You know she has been there too or worse. I know several wives who are dealing with their 3rd 12 month deployment. Those who had children while their husbands were away or major surgery. We have been so blessed to have DH home for each birth. I have moved 3 times without him, once while pregnant. Our last move was his first. Most wives don't ever have to imagine doing this without their husband.

But, seasons come and go. Some day he will be on deployment and I will have teenage sons. Soon he will be home from this deployment and we will pray he gets to stay for as long as possible. Some day I may be sending a son on his first deployment and doing everything I can for his wife. Whatever the season, I pray I bring glory to God in all I do. I know He sustains me on nights when all I can do is cry while doing dishes. I know He protects us while our Daddy is gone and Boy 1 is convinced there is a giant mouse in the attic. Whatever the season we are never far away from God.

Blogging outside

2009-09-10T16:56:00.000-04:00

I am a notorious indoor person. I think it has something to with me being allergic to grass. No part of me can touch anything green and plant like without some fairly itchy result. I have been like this since I can remember. I am also not very tolerant of insects and North Carolina is FULL of insects. We have a large number of trees on the rental property which only increases the insect population, at least I am told. I think it has something to do with the ability to hide from the birds.

But, as providence would have it I have been blessed with boys. Boys have a need to be outside and should be. It is healthy and good for their development, motor skills, social skills, dirt skills. I love watching my boys outside. Now that we have this other laptop I can blog and watch my boys play outside.

I don't know why it brings such joy to watch them coast up and down the driveway happily, but it does. Perhaps because I know they are content enough to play without intervention. They need the occasional "good job" and a few requests for "mommy look at me" but for the most part they are happy.

Well, although they are happy that computer is about to not be. The rain is coming as it often does in North Carolina. So I better run inside!